Saturday, December 29, 2007

I'm Allowed to Hope

i hope there could be more love. everywhere. just sweeeet love. no hatred. no green-eyed monsters. no back stabbers. no double faces. no more of that. just love. LOVE. love means honesty. love means trust. love means faithful. love means respect. love means understand. love means accept. that is love. lust is not love. physical attraction is not love. enjoy that person's company is not love.

i hope i could be less lazy. but hope is not enough, is it?

i hope i could be more confident and care less of what people think about me. i need to be me. nobody else. but that doesnt mean i dont accept criticism. i do. but be nice. i like nice people.

i hope i could be less sensitive. its not that i dont like this part of me that cares too much about other people and wanting to make everyone happy but its just that sometimes too much sensitivity hurts. so does that mean i can care less about the people i care? dont be stupid, azie. i dont like it when even the tiniest remarks ruin my mood. i dont like it when i get too easily offended. my soft spot too soft? but what about all those tantrums and screamings at the people i care? should my over sensitivity be blamed for that?   

i hope i could give more. give the things that i like instead of the things that i dont need anymore.

i hope i could be more brave. do public speeches. like i used to. minus the stutters.

i hope i could get in the dean's list next sem. i have to keep telling myself that i can and not finding excuses that i cant but at the end suddenly wish for a miracle to happen. there is no such thing as miracles, azie. its all what we put in.

i hope i could be more patient. the name expects me to.

i hope i could be a better morning person. i'm just so cranky in the morning that even i get annoyed with myself. i need to wake up with a smile and talk. i dont talk when i just woke up. not until i really have to talk.

i hope mus and so wouldnt have to be so far away from me. they're my everything. i hope i wouldnt miss them so much. missing them hurts.

so there they are. my hopes. i hope for a lot of things. but they're hopes. what are hopes without effort? its the effort that i need the most. thats the main thing that is lacking from me.

so yes, i am going to work hard for effort. then, all the hopes will come true. insyaAllah.

Happy New Year, friends! May Allah bless you all the way :)


Sunday, December 16, 2007

Go Away

i know it's not the end of the world. i can try next time. and try just a bit harder. just a tiny bit harder. God, i'm so regretting all this. i feel so bad. horrible. if only i could cover my ears when my friends discuss this. because im dead sure that they will discuss all this when we're back studying. im afraid i cant handle it. im sorry. i know i should be happy for all you great acheivers. but i cant. im jealous. awfully jealous. i mean how did you guys do it?! i've been studying my butt off but still, i failed. well maybe i didnt study that hard, but i did studied harder than usual. and thats actually a big thing for me. to study hard i mean. because im soooooo lazy. seriously i need to change. how can i expect Allah to help a lazy bum like me. i so have to change. i NEED to change. i've got to make that dream of mine come true. im worried. all of this is worrying me. i suddenly realize that if i dont change, than i would just be this loser forever. azie the loser. a big 'L' on my head. but really, Allah has been testing me a lot lately. i've been failing in a lot of things. and im not proud of them. of course im not proud of them. what am i saying. but dont worry, im not too frustrated to hang myself or something.

but i am frustrated. who am i going to blame for this exploding frustration deep inside me thats just waiting to erupt? who else but i. i who have this memorizing disability but was too lazy to reread the text books for a gazillion times. i who didnt even bother to do any notes or at least borrow people's notes. i who kept letting my brain go to another 'world' in class and daydream that i would marry you-know-who. i who would rather read Cleo than finish Pride and Prejudice (although i actually like that novel). i the loser.

i try to look at this failure in a positive way. you know, trying to be miss brightside. but the more i try to be positive, the more i'm frustrated with myself. i try to console myself by believing that i can do this if i just stop being so lazy. i mean, this is something that i like. something that im suppossed to be good at. and yet, i fail. what is wrong with me? this laziness has to go. go away lazy azie! go and never come back. please.

but although im frustrated. with myself. im accepting this failure as a challenge. a challenge to do better next time. and if i still fail, well im a loser. again. but maybe, just maybe Allah is trying to test me with all this failures so that i would remember Him more. remember as in pray more and zikir more and recite the Quran more. yeaaa, i think thats it. because when people keep getting everything that they want, they tend to forget where all of that come from and just feel full of themselves. thinking that their success come from their own brilliant brains and not because Allah is gracious enough to grant them that brilliant brain. forgetting their roots and just being snobbish.

or maybe im just simply finding excuses so that i wont feel so bad about me failing.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The House

we've decided to not stay in the hostel for next sem. me, diana and syiqin. so before the sem ended, we were like taking every number that advertised a house rent. and after several phone calls and appointments, we got a house that made us smile.


this is the living room.

its not the prettiest home in shah alam. but we'll live. its very very near to Intec. very near. near as in i can scream and my friends at the fac can hear it. near as in i can wake up at 8.15 and be just on time for class. near as in i can see whether the lecturer has arrived or not. near as in i can look at my friends at the fac from my bedroom window. yup, that near. and the best thing of all, no more rapid kl to go to class! yeeeha!

so if you happen to pass by, sila sila lah ke rumah kami. ;)

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Notebook

i dont normally do reviews. be it movies or books. but i just wanna share about this book that i just finished reading. if you are the hopeless romantic type, i guarantee you would lurrrrve The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. the novel i mean. i havent watched the movie but i know that there is one because i heard it at ch E. Ryan Gosling (the guy who was the young Hercules dulu2 tu) and Rachel McAdams being the lead actors. im not sure if the movie is a hit or not but i love the book. and oh yea, Sparks is the same guy who wrote A Walk to Remember which also became a movie that is very famous for being very romantic. i would certainly find other books from him in the future.

The Notebook is the kind of story that kinda like forces you to shed a tear. the story was kinda predictable at the beginning but as it developed, it became more interesting. interesting and undeniably sweet and of course romantic. i mean, the guy reads her poems! and take her on a canoe to see the sunset. he even dercribes the girl, Allie, as a living poem. beautiful, passionate, lively and all. the guy loves poems but is not a poet himself (but Allie still calls him a poet). so the book is full of poem quotes. sweeeet.

whats interesting is, this guy, Noah (love the name), has a competitor who Allie is actually engaged with. well, actually Allie and Noah were seperated for 14years (i think) because of Allie's parents disapproval and a lot of things changed during that period except for their undying love. although at first, Allie didnt realize that it still exists. Allie comes from a rich family with a high status and all while Noah barely has money to eat. yea, that normal rich-poor situation. and her fiance is as handsome as Noah is. PLUS, he's a wealthy lawyer. but guess who she chose at the end? uhuh. Noah.

why we wonder. simple. if its because of love, Allie loves them both and both loves her dearly as well. but its what the guy can give her beyond love and the way he proves his love are what matters the most. Lon, her fiance can give her a comfortable life and finance security but only Noah can make her truly and i mean truly happy. it makes you think what we really want in a guy. money, status, good looks. or just simple happiness. the way he makes you laugh, the way he looks at you, the way he talks to you and the way he respects you. there is so much more than just brains and money, kan?

what made me cry was not when they had to seperate. although that was touching as well. but it was how Noah was still madly inlove with her 44 years later. yupp, the story ended when they were already old. not many stories have an ending like that. novels usually end after they get married and have children and live happily ever after.

well, Noah and Allie did live happily ever after but in a kinda painful way. Noah has arthiritis and Allie has alzheimer. God, it was so sad at the time when Allie doesnt even remember her husband anymore. but Noah being very strong and still very very very romantic never stopped loving her. knowing that Allie has lost much of her memory, Noah would slip love poems in Allie's pockets or jackets just to make her smile. despite his own pain (his hands were already deformed because of rheumatoid), he still wanted to hold Allie's hands. it was just so sweet. he still read her poems and the way he describes her and talk about her would melt any girl's heart. and the letters. the love letters that made me cry. i love it when people give each other letters. words are just powerful and we get to reread the words that makes us smile and refresh the feelings that we had at that time over and over again.

im not good at trying to explain it so go read the book, ok? ;) and if you dont think its awfully sweet and romantic as i do, i guess i apologize for being so easily tendered by mushy mushy things like this. hahaa.

Monday, November 12, 2007

There Are Some Things Guys Should Always Do For Girls. Period.

i found this article in Facebook. and i love it. i would say, a guy could actually learn a lot from it. you know, those sweet little things that melts ur heart but he doesnt even notices. so yea, there's a lot of tips in here that would make me feel all mushy inside and im sure other girls would agree. so guys, do read! and of course, apply. ;)

p/s: no. 4, 14, 28 and 39 are my favourites!

There Are Some Things Guys Should Always Do For Girls. Period.

0. There are always exceptions to this list. The foundational exception is when you actually talk to the her and she says something different than what is included within this list. These suggestions don't provide you with the holy grail of dating or offer you the Ten Commandments for the Ladies Man, they're simply a push in the right direction for being a gentleman.

1. Open doors when possible - whether it be to a building or the passenger car door. the classic example that's stood the test of time.

2. When in a place of worship (or other places that have aisles and pews), if a man is at the end of the pew, when exiting he should stand in the aisle and let all the females go before him. (This seems odd to some people, yet normal for others. If you don't get it, don't worry about it, okay?)

3. A man should tolerate the occasional chick flick, musical, opera, or ballet - whatever her preference is - *without* complaining about it! (Because the guy may just like it.)

4. Play one of the songs that would make any woman weep like the little girl she once was (but in a good way). A brief list includes, but certainly isn't limited, to:
"You & Me" by Lifehouse
Anything by Frank Sinatra
Any rendition of "Everything I Do, I Do it for You"
"Collide" by Howie Day
"Out Of My League" by Steven Speaks
And MOST IMPORTANTLY "Question" by the Old 97's (if you propose to a girl with this song, she is putty in your hands).
("Putty in your hands" is not meant to promote "using women" in any way. This group does not encourage guys to be polite in order to get her into bed.)

5. Talk! The strong & silent bit goes from intriguing to boring quite fast.

6. Find out what her favorite flower is and buy them for her randomly (regardless of the situation you might be in). A simple yet profound truth: a single rose says more than dozens of anything else. (I encourage the women to not allow a guy to "prove himself worthy" through gifts and flowers and such. Trust is a precious thing and it should take a good chunk of time before he gains it back in your heart.)

7. If you miss her, or love her, TELL HER! Even your friends like to hear it every now & again.

8. Re-enact Zales commercials (the ice is nice but certainly not mandatory).

9. Remember: the best gifts you can give are usually free of cost.

10. Leave a note (or send a message) just to say "hi".

11. Ask her questions about herself.

12. Dress nice every once & a while. Any girl likes to see her brother/friend/boyfriend/etc. in a well-ironed button-up with some nice slacks.

13. PRIDE & PREJUDICE ...that's all I have to say about that (I mean, that should speak for itself). (It's even more impressive if he has read the book.)

14. Tolerate small children as best you can. Meaning, put up with the things that can get annoying. They're children, after all. Show them love and care, teach them how to become a better man than you. (You were once extremely irritating. Get over the obnoxious kids and enjoy getting down to their level - not "for her", but for the good of yourself and others.)

15. Learn to dance! There is nothing sexier than a man who can dance really well. If God did not bless you with the grace of Fred Astaire, at least put forth the effort, it will be greatly appreciated. Always slow dance (even if it's just like you danced in middle school). Also, men, sing to a lady. Even if you're terrible, suck it up! They love to listen to it and will not care what you sound like. It's the thought that counts on this one. Unless you're just downright terrible, nothing sexy about that. Haha, thanks, Jade!

16. Kiss her on the forehead.

17. When she's sick, stay up with her. If you can cook (which is *always* a plus), make her some soup. If you can't cook, there's Campbell's soup at hand for you.

18. Pretend to throw her in the pool (or fountain/pond). If you really do throw her in, you'd better jump in yourself. **NOTE** There are some women who just hate this apparently, so you had better do two things: 1) Never allow your buddies be a part of it if you're unsure of how she feels about getting thrown in and 2) You had better know how she feels about it!

19. Hold her hand while you talk, drive, or just for the heck of it (it's the small things that win you big points).


21. Stupid jokes = awkwardly adorable moments.

22. Tickle her, tease her, let her tease you back without getting all bent out of shape about it.

23. Don't call her hot, or pretty, or cute; call her beautiful, because that's what she is. (I don't think cute is that bad, but definitely stay away from "hot" [it's so overused and superficial] and step "pretty" up to beautiful or gorgeous or stunning or captivating or...)

24. Offer her your jacket/sweatshirt. (Note: you may not see that particular item of clothing for a while, if ever again).

25. Don't be too proud to apologize.

26. It's not stalking to watch her sleep if you fall asleep watching a movie. It is stalking to watch her sleep if you're standing outside her window with night vision goggles.

27. When she feels at her worst, tell her she looks her best.

28. If you're trying to get more than friendship out of the relationship, take it slow and never rush her.

29. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean you are completely incapable of calling when you say you will, it just means you are highly incapable of it. There are few acceptable answers to, "Why didn't you call?", & being male is not one of them.

30. Don't check out other girls in front of your female friends/sisters/mother, unless you are sincere when you later ask them if you think she could introduce the two of you for more reasons than you "want to get some". Pull this in front of your girlfriend/fiancee/wife, she has every right to clock you in the jaw.

31. Guys - always offer to pay for the date. No matter how expensive it gets, especially if YOU asked HER on the date. [if she is willing to pay now and again, don't let your "man pride" get in the way of her wanting to give back to you. she should understand money can be tight - especially when you're always buying]

32. Always do everything in your power to keep her as happy as you can. And cheer her up in any way possible. [if she isn't always happy - and i've never met a girl who is - don't be afraid of her and don't be stupid and always, unquestioningly, blame it on PMS. be there WITH her when times are tough and she wants you there.]

33. When walking on the sidewalk, always walk on the outside near traffic. (So everyone has a different opinion for how this started. For some, it's because of the human waste that was getting thrown out the windows when this was happening a century ago. The woman walked under the overhangings extending from the buildings with the guy in the open to take the mess if need be. Others say it's from the guy's scabbard/sword being on his left with the woman walking on the right. As for today, it's the traffic and puddles and what-not. Whatever it is. It's just a courtesy thing, if it seems necessary.)

34. At least do everything in your power to keep cursing to a minimum while around her. If you can, cut it out period while around her, or cut it out of your vocabulary. Women don't want to hear it, guys don't care about it, adults don't want to hear it, it doesn't impress employers, and you sure won't want your children or someone else's to hear it!

35. Sometimes you have to take the initiative. Don't always wait for her to come to you, because if that's how it always is, you're going to lose her.

36. If any lady is walking alone to her car in a dark parking lot/garage, or is carrying a heavy load, always offer to help walk her to her destination and carry things, if not the entire load. **This may work a lot better and come off non-stalkerish if you at least know the girl you're trying to help. Haha thanks to a LOT of people on this revision.**

37. If a woman says no, let that be her final answer with maybe one question of confirmation after her first answer. Do not pressure or force her in any way after that. Don't make her give in to something she doesn't want to do.

38. Always be honest with her. No woman wants or likes a dishonest man. If you can't be honest with her, she can't trust you, and shows you don't trust her enough to be honest. Trust, honesty and integrity are just as an integral part of a relationship and just as important as love.

39. A man should always genuinely listen to women; no matter how bored or busy the man is. Actively listening to the woman will keep him from pain (and bring the man and woman closer together). This works best, of course, when both the man and the woman actively and equally engage in conversation (this includes listening). For the ladies reading this, please talk - always talk - especially if you are having problems with the relationship and to also avoid making bigger problems.

40. DON"T CHEAT ON HER. She'll find out one way or another. If it came to that, then you should sit down and discuss what's going wrong in your relationship instead of creating another wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right.

41. If you're in a crowded area where there are some people seated and others sure to offer your chair to a woman.. she may decline, but at least you offered..

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Buddies On Ice.

we went ice skating last tuesday which was during the long gap before our last paper which was literature which i think i did slightly better than the other papers which went miserably which was because i was sooo lazy which makes me think i should have made myself grounded for being so lazy which means i shouldnt have gone enjoying myself ice skating with the guys whom only went ice skating too because i insisted that we go. so yea, that sentence sums up my final exam weeks. haha.

'we' consisted of diana, syiqin, firdaous, syamil, hasrul and me. ice skating was really, really fun! it was our first time except for syiqin. but she was the one who was most scared to skate. haha, sory syiqin!

i only fell twice. the first time because there was this kid who suddenly appeared in front of me out of nowhere. and because i only know how to skate and not to brake, i had to avoid crashing into that little creature by making a sharp turn which made me fell hard. my butt hurt badly, dude.

the next time was when i was racing with firdaous (which btw, i won!) and he made a sharp turn and because he was not very highly skilled either, almost lost his balance and was going to crash into me and me wanting to avoid crahing into him, sacrificed my butt again by falling down. so yea, only those two times i fell. quite good for a first-timer ey? ;p

we stopped after 3hours because our feets were hurting badly and it was already zuhor at that time. i think that aunty at the skates counter gave me the wrong size because they were sooo ketat that my feet swelled after that and i had to like walk like a penguin on the next day. but ice skating was fun. we're surely gonna come again next sem. wanna join us? ;)

Dsc01485a Dsc01490


All I Need.

ive been developing this new interest of mine. i wouldnt say im superbly talented in it, but i like it. no really, its like those things that we just try to do and then suddenly just wanna keep doing it. guess what it is? writing poems! uhuh. boring? no lah. i love it. especially poems that rhyme. you know, like those for little kids. hehe. guess i still have that little part of me that cant stop loving Dr. Seuss's. anyone who did not have the chance to indulge in Dr Seuss's books as a kid, please do so now! haha. im soooo going to make my kids read his books. i love them. i loved it even more when papa used to read it for me and he made these songs that he created by himself. i told him to read it over and over again until he got tired and told my brother to read it for me. and when my brother read it in a different song or rythm, i told him to stop. haha.

so yea, ive been writing poems for this past year or so. havent really shown it to people sebab malu. yelah, poem cam budak2 je kan. but oh well, who really cares. read them if you wanna read them :)  any comments are most welcomed. positive or negative.

this is one of my first poems. very simple but it actually has a verrry deep meaning as it was meant for someone. but i guess, its something that i expect from everyone now. especially from my friends. so here it goes! (macam gempak ja kan? haha)

All I Need

All i need is the truth,

honesty as the proof.

All i need is respect,

for i'm not at all what you expect.

All i need is loyalty,

that at last will make me happy.

All i need is care,

just to know that you are there.

All i need is sincerity,

so that i can be your azie.

All i need is you,

the one who will forever be true.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Eid 2007.

13102007106_1gerrram sangat at my cousin's son ni.

macam nak gigit pipi dia ;pDsc01139 Image1322 Image1323

angah sheila khusyuk melukis. look at my aunts and mama. haha. sooo like mami jarum.

henna drawing at makchak'a house. the artist: angah. the hands: mama, mak teh, makngah and mine(tangan yang paling itam tu).


i forced them to take this photo. that's why their faces are like that. 


abangah and aiman. doing what they do best. on the way to bagan Image1332serai.

15102007116_1my familia. i took the foto.


Wednesday, October 10, 2007

leaving on a jetplane.

i watched the blast off of Soyuz TMA-11 just now. i didnt know that i could be that nervous. like So said la kan, if Dr. Sheikh Muszaphar doesnt come back alive, there would be less handsome people in this world. haha, So buat lawak. but of corzla nauzubillahminzalik. noone would want that to happen. Dr Muszaphar is so much more than a pretty face. i prayed all the while when they were doing the count down. and they took like a couple of seconds after the 3,2,1 to actually blast off and i got scared. i was afraid that the rocket would explode or something(again, nauzubillah). but insyaAllah that Peggy Whitson said everything went well. so just continue praying that they would arrive alive and safe. aaamin. tapi kan, waktu before they entered the orbit kut, the camera showed Dr Muszaphar and he looked sooooo nervous! mesti waktu tu dia baca doa macam2 kan. and like mengucap banyak2. but he still looked cute ;)

he so totally deserves a tribute. he's got brain and looks. and i hope he's got iman too ;) then he would be almost perfect. and whoever he's married to, im dead sure would be as almost perfect as him. *sigh*  haha.20071009angkasawan201203201

im not sure why im being so semangat about this space mission. maybe because he's made Malaysia proud. and being like a representative of the medical community. yea, i know im not in that field but my bestfriends are. almost all of my bestfriends are going to be doctors. so yea, im proud for them. and plus the fact that he's gorgeous ;)

tengok tak iklan kat astro tu? he looked sooo cute. gaya dia tu macam budak2. cumell. hehe.

you should read his blog. he writes well and he's sweet. he's like so grateful for the support that people give him and he says he reads every word that people write to him. how sweet is that! Dr Sheikh Muszaphar's angkasawan blog.

so yea, u go dude!!~ lets ramai2 pray for him ok? :)

''I am living in a dream. A dream and hope of all Malaysians. I am hoping to be the eyes and ears of all Malaysian souls in space. It's time for all Malaysians to dream BIG and reach for the stars ! " (Dr Muszaphar Shukor). so can i dream for you? ;p



Saturday, October 6, 2007

nak raya. yeay.

home!!! yeay. i just love announcing that. brings a sense of relief, i guess. ;)

the last 3 weeks have been exhausting. and stressful. because you know, when i dont get enough sleep, i'll turn into a horrible monster. so a monster i was. too much work to complete thanks to the limited time before the hols and of course a big thanks to procrastination. and including all those endless facts that we need to memorize for our tests. ugh, i hate memorizing. not good at it. because memorizing requires good memory. and i dont own that. well not yet. maybe some day in the future, i will. because last week when i was at the library, i found a book. 'Doa-doa untuk hajat' something like that la. its a book of doas. kan ramadhan ni doa makbul. so i read la that book. because i've got like tons of things to ask from Allah. and i found a doa untuk 'permudahkan menghafal ilmu'. so i was like, "yes! bingo!" but the thing is, that doa has to be read for 7days in a row before subuh prayer. i've been trying to practice it but i keep forgetting every time after sahur to recite that doa. so i end up reciting the doa selang-selang hari. macam mana nak makbul camtu. tapi Allah is the most gracious and loving so maybe i'll have like the memory of Einstein just in time for the finals. (einstein has good memory ke? most probably la kan).Dsc06940

syqin candid me being too khusyuk mencari doa. ;D

but now i'm home. and everything's gonna be ok. i am so exageratting about me being at home kan? macam orang lain xda umah ja ;)

anyways, i'll be green this raya. mama bought  a very sweet-looking kain. and the other two are black(of course) and purple. mama tengah jahit sekarang. can't wait for raya!

last thursday we had our class bukak puasa at syed's. makan nasik beriyani. loved it. Img_0003_2

U1B rawks~

last night before we got into our buses, i laughed alot. me and the utarians. there was the kedahans; mimi, firdaous, syamil and hasrul. and penangites; me and fahim. we were joking around while waiting for our bus at 1030pm. we arrived there 1 hour early. semangat btui nak balik ;) and when they were talking, they said something that made me laugh hard. they said i like to  blurt my eyes out when i wanna stress on something. hahaha. i didnt know that i do that. adds up to my monster effect. =D

ok lah,  see you later alligator! ;Image1262)   

haha. i took this pic waktu lingo class. sebab tengah bosan. and mr shah caught me in action. and ejek me after that. maaaaaalu.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

a lot to say.

I'M HOME!!!!! =D

i kinda like suddenly made up my mind to come home this weekend because suddenly i felt sick after 3 weeks in uitm shah alam. homesick that is =p. so here i am. and oh yeah, there's another reason why i'm home this weekend. a reason that strongly insisted me to come home. hehehe.

uitm shah alam.

nice? yes.

big? huge!

fun? sometimes.

the hostel? niiice.

the food? ok laa.

the people? weird. haha.

seriously the people here are just plain weird. weird in what way? well i'm not sure how to describe it. its kinda like in the movie 'mean girls' punya weird. got me? people act too much and sometimes become plain dumb to act cool. yeah i know this is shah alam and you're supposed to be fantastic or something? oh c'mon..... if you really are that fantastic, it would shine out without you having to show it off. yeaa, i can see that most of the teslians here are great. they speak English like an english or americans or aussies. (haha!) and their ideas in class are just superb. i'm amazed by them. really. compared to me, i'm like still in pre tesl and they're like in masters. haha. thats exaggerating. but yeah, they're good.

the lecturers are differrent too. they're more open. open in several aspects. ;)   maybe its the culture for urban people. urban? yeaa, i think they're urbanised enough to be called urbanised people. i think its the culture for them to be so overly open minded about issues that should be discussed in a more sensitive manner. lecturers are just humans btw. what they say can be completely true and some can be totally false so it depends on the listeners to take in whats good for them and play the deaf ear to the things that i believe shouldnt have been said at all. but i think its a good thing because at least we get to argue in class. (yeah rite. like i am cukup berani ja nak argue. haha) i wish i had the courage to speak out what was in my mind but i'm azie yg susahnya nak buang dia punya malu tak bertempat tu. but i should really try becoming more extrovert. like my classmates that are originally shah alam students. they're so outspoken. they can speak whatever they want in class. with utmost confidence. something that i've never been able to do because takut salah and malu kalau tergagap. hahaha.

classes have been fun. but somehow i enjoy classes during pre more. i miss learning grammar with ms mel. i miss doing presentations for my familiar classmates. i miss writing essays. i mean essays that are fun. now, we only get to do essays about certain issues. boring issues. but i'll survive. insyaAllah. and the jadual here is nice. only 15 credit hours so that means a lot of time spent back at mawar. doing what? sleeping. haha. what else. and oh yea, i do some reading. cleo is very educational. ;)  and there's always the 2 wackies in my room. i share my room with diana. its supposed to be a 2 persons room but we made it into a 3 persons room because syiqin became more than a loyal visitor. haha. she brought a toto from home and sleeps on the floor. not everynight. like 2 days in a week she would go back to her room and sleep there but most of her time is with us. those 2 are just completely wackos laa. lagi2 syiqin. ya Allah, living with those two is like living with tom and jerry. (sory, i dont watch much cartoons so thats the only close example that i can give. haha). they're constantly fighting and arguing. and screaming at the top of their lungs. (hmm, tom and jerry mn ada jerit kan? nvm). luckily our room is at the hujuuung skali. so jerit2 pun orang tak dengar sangat kut. kut laa. living with them is like practising to become a mother with 10 kids. and all of the kids talk too much. yupp. thats how it is. but it wouldnt be right to be here without them. they're my besties since pre. and we're goin to finish our degree together with excellency. insyaAllah. (lambatnya lagiii. 7 more sems to go!)

haaa, lupa plak. the most adventurous thing in shah alam is the roller coaster ride we have to go through every morning to go to class. because our fac is at section 17 but mawar is at section 2. so we have to take two buses. and kuar 1 hour early. if class starts at 830, we're already waiting for the bus at 730. totally like going back to school kan? dahla intec tu memang mcm skolah pun. but now that we're used to it, the rides are quite fun. yea, i get a lot of bruises by swinging on that thing that we're supposed to hold on to when standing up and by bumping on tiangs and on other people when the bus driver stops abruptly. but yea, its all good.

and oh yea, on 12th august, i'll be entering the busana muslimah competition. hahaha. yea, i know. me? modelling? haha. even when i was signing up i couldnt stop laughing. my friends insisted so much that i enter so yea why not. i'm modelling with muslimah clothes ja pun. and its just a show for mawar occupants. meaning girls only. its actually just to collect the activity coupons. klau aktif, bleh la duk mawar lg sem depan. tak yah cari umah sewa. huhu.

being so near to kl makes the tendency for us to go shopping or maybe just window shopping higher. but i dont have that much money. been using a lot of money here. makan banyak sbb banyak guna tenaga. (alasan). and there's so many beautiful jubah kat kompleks pkns tu. nak sgt beli tapi xdak duit. =(  been hoping and praying that i'll get a lot of money from the ptptn loan. its supposed to kuar semalam btw. tapi tgk xdak pa2 pun. but what i did find out was this:

Bagi membantu ibu bapa atau penjaga meringankan beban dalam menanggung perbelanjaan pendidikan anak-anak penentuan jumlah pinjaman adalah bergantung kepada had pendapatan seperti berikut:

a)  RM3000.00 dan ke bawah - pinjaman penuh

b)  RM3001.00 ke RM5000.00 - pinjaman sebahagian

c) RM5001.00 dan ke atas     - pinjaman yuran

so frustrating laaaa. if i knew this earlier, i would tipu sunnat when filling the form. this is not fair. i need the money. really, i do. nak kena beli buku banyak ni. buku plak smua expensive. around 200 bucks each tau x . haha, yea rite. nak beli henfon barulaa ;(

life has been a lot different here compared to melaka. but i can say that i'm having fun. weird at times. but fun. just hoping that i could really give my best for this sem. i need to get an almost perfect pointer.  prayImage1095 for me ya? =)

look at how i've changed! hahaha.

(left was a pre teslian in alor gajah and the right is a B.Ed teslian in shah alam.)

Thursday, July 5, 2007

here we go again.

i've just finished packing and like i said, it could fit a truck. but its ok. aiman ada nak angkat smua. ;) bangah xdak. if bangah ada, it would be much easier. i wouldnt need to help at all. i mean, what are brothers for rite?

we're leaving this evening. when papa gets home after work.

i'm excited to meet my friends again but i'm not that excited in facing the house of terror. but well, maybe its not going to be that bad. keeping myself positive here.

shah alam's going to be fun!! yeaaah!!

ok lah, nak kemas2 bilik skitla. so c ya again next time! hahaa. so cheesy.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

roti canai vs capati.

tadi basuh kasut sports. kasut tu dah buruk. been using them since form 4. ala, kasut sports power yg kat bata tu. nanti ada koko. ala bosannyaa.

actually i have nothing interesting to write but saja nak write gak. because i'm bored. and i'm sleepy. i'm not supposed to be sleepy because i woke up at.. well, nevermind.

had last night's roti canai for breakfast. or was it lunch. both la. n tadi pi ofis papa. its funny how papa's staff are just so extra polite with us. but i prefer papa's staff in perlis more.


view from papa's ofis.

why am i so sleepy nih? was it the roti canai. i dont really like roti canai actually tapi sayang plak klau tak makan. if i dont eat it, it'll become frozen in that fridge and even the mighty microwave cant help it to become tender and soft again. i so love capati more. maybe its because i have less guilt in eating it. because capati doesnt have that much fat and cholestrol as roti canai. but its the taste of capati thats just much more yummy. i could eat capati everyday. for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

i should be packing. because God knows how much stuff i have to bring. i've got things that could fit a truck. because ya know, the house is not furnished and all. so since i'm going there with a car, i better bring whatever i need to bring. sebab pasni, for sure i'll just go there with a bus. wouldnt want to angkut iron, kettle and all that when riding a bus.

aaaah, ngantuknya. nak nap la kejap. kejap ja.

be positive la azie.

we're going tomorrow and i havent packed a single thing. malas. not in the mood. why do i have to be so negative about this house thing. i mean its not going to be sooo bad. yea, well the house is tiny. and it needs a lot of cleaning. and there's no bed. no desk. no kipas. no nothing. but well, like i said before, at least i'll have a roof to stay under. a roof. and well i'll have floors. and walls. and doors. that should be enough rite?


Tuesday, July 3, 2007

everythings gonna be ok.

i already typed like 2 pages just now and suddenly i pressed apa ntah, it all disappeared. tension btul when that happens. so now nak type balik pun dah cam not in the mood. dah x ingat. =( i have bad memory, remember?

but i still want to express everything. but this is the more short version la.

we've found a house. mira's friend found it for us. and it has been such a chaos. being like a thousand miles away from that place and having to deal with all this. i mean i dont even know how that house looks like. will it be comfortable for us. i dont even know if there will be beds or not. takut jadi cam orang korea plak. tdoq guna tilam ja. ;( mira said the house is 2 tingkat but it only has 2 rooms. initially, we were going to stay just the 5 of us and then we got news that our other friends who at first didnt get uitm, has suddenly got uitm. so we're gonna stay the 7 of us. including shiqin. yeay!! =D i was so sad when i knew that shiqin didnt get uitm but now she'll be living with us too. so very da syok la. me, diana and shiqin will be staying together.


i've setteled the payment today. i cant believe that i'm barely 19 and i already have to stay at my own renting house.  i know that its about time that i learn about responsibilities and stuff. not to be such dependent on other people. well i have been independent practically since 13. i only went back home on the weekends to basuh baju. and i did it by myself too. i wash them, i sidai and i iron by myself. i never let mama did them for me. i was just a lil bit dependent on the washing machine. so i guess i could call myself independent. but then renting  a house means, we'll have to settle the water and electric bills. and  then how bout cooking? will we have to take turns? aiyaaa, i'm not that good of a cook. i think la. i mean i can cook the best maggi in the world. and i make the most delicious toasts. but well. thats about it. haha. kidding. i cook. yup, i do. yup, azie cooks. ok, next topic.

its near intec so i hope we could just walk to our class. mama suh blajaq bawak motor but i refused. she said papa can buy me a scooter if i know how to use one. but i said i'd rather walk. ececey, skarang blehla blagak cakap nak jalan. nnt mulala, panas la , jauh la, apa la. see? i'm crictisizing myself. i know my own weaknesses. thats good rite? alaaa, what did i wrote just now aa? dah lupa laa.

mmmmm, i just hope everything will be fine. been praying non stop that Allah will make everything easy for us. well atleast i dont have to worry about not having a roof to shelter me when i get there. and i'll have my buddies by my side. so i'll be ok. insyAllah.

i have to say i'm excited of starting my degree. cant wait to get in my studies again. haha. i cant believe i just said that. kat skola dlu, i would never say such thing. i hate having to study in school. guess now i'm a changed person. yup, azie now enjoys her classes and feels high spirited each time a new semester begins. go tesl!! papa would be so proud knowing this. =p

ok lah. mama panggil makan roti canai plak dah. papa baru balik. its 10.36pm and i'm going to eat roti canai. ahh, who cares.



Saturday, June 30, 2007


i really wanna learn to sew. i wanna sew my own clothes. now, i just design clothes that i would love to wear but its kinda like pointless because i dont know how to sew. if i think my designs are appropriate enough for mama to approve, i'll tell her and she'll make them for me. i wanna learn from mama but she has been busy and even if i go to her while she's sewing, she would say that she'll teach me properly next time. right now she's kinda like in a rush so she couldnt really teach me. so i just continue designing all this clothes. in my head. well because, i dont know how to draw either. yeaa, i'm not that talented of a girl. so i imagine these designs. and describe them to explain how it should look like.

its not like i design such fashionable clothes or anything. just clothes that are just so hard to find in malaysia. i love how arabic girls dress. they're my inspirationla konon. ;) and  then i just add a bit of my own touch. and i love black. i love how classy it looks. some people say everything in black is just plain boring. but i like it. black is just me.

mama is asleep. i should be asleep too. its just me and mama this weekend.

just feel like blogging again.

i used to have a blog. but one day i just decided to delete it. without even copying all the things that i wrote in there. and i wrote a lot in there! yeah, i know. silly me.

so i shall start a new one. and maybe one day i'll wake up and decide that i'll delete it. again. yes, i am very fickle. very. it's weird how i can change my thoughts and decisions in a matter of minutes. no wonder some of my friends get tired of waiting for me to decide something. but i think i dont have a hard time in making decisions. i just have a hard time in sticking to those decisions. at first i'd think that my idea was the brightest and then suddenly i'd think it was the most ridiculous decision made. weird.

but i usually stick to the things that i love and of course to the people i love. i would call myself as loyal. yupp. loyal. i'm loyal. just have to keep saying that to myself. i need a lot of reminders in my life. i forget easily. ok, i'm getting out of the topic.

was there a topic? see? i forget a lot. i think all of those maggi, indomee and pama has started to show their effects to me. they say it will only affect us after 2 years right? 2 years ke? see, i forget again. seriously i need help. last week when i went to school, i even forgot the name of my ex-teachers. how nyanyuk can i be?! and even my juniors who came to hug and kiss me. i hugged nd kissed them back. i asked how their lives were. but i avoid saying their names because i forgot their names. what is happening to me? it's getting scary.

i don't want to forget things. i want to remember everything that is happening to me. well at least the good things. the bad things i can risk forgetting. but sometimes its the bad things that we remember the most. like my bad dreams. i used to have this repetitive nightmare when i was a kid that i can still remember till now. in that dream, i would look at our chimney and there would be something there. not sure what. but it was black. sometimes it looked like puppets. like dragon puppets. and it would just become bigger and bigger until it looked like it could eat me or crush me into a pancake. ok, how did i end up writing about my childhood nightmares?

anyways, i love writing. i'm not good at it. but i'm learning. and i hope that i'm progressing. blogs arent necessary for other people to read. well at least my blog isnt. let my blog be the place where i can just write whatever that comes through my mind. and that means, i write freely without having a specific topic. i've never been good in focusing in one topic. i always tend to lari dari topik.

so best of luck to my new blog. hope it'll end up longer than the previous one. ;)1_1