Saturday, June 30, 2007

jahet.

i really wanna learn to sew. i wanna sew my own clothes. now, i just design clothes that i would love to wear but its kinda like pointless because i dont know how to sew. if i think my designs are appropriate enough for mama to approve, i'll tell her and she'll make them for me. i wanna learn from mama but she has been busy and even if i go to her while she's sewing, she would say that she'll teach me properly next time. right now she's kinda like in a rush so she couldnt really teach me. so i just continue designing all this clothes. in my head. well because, i dont know how to draw either. yeaa, i'm not that talented of a girl. so i imagine these designs. and describe them to explain how it should look like.



its not like i design such fashionable clothes or anything. just clothes that are just so hard to find in malaysia. i love how arabic girls dress. they're my inspirationla konon. ;) and  then i just add a bit of my own touch. and i love black. i love how classy it looks. some people say everything in black is just plain boring. but i like it. black is just me.



mama is asleep. i should be asleep too. its just me and mama this weekend.

just feel like blogging again.

i used to have a blog. but one day i just decided to delete it. without even copying all the things that i wrote in there. and i wrote a lot in there! yeah, i know. silly me.



so i shall start a new one. and maybe one day i'll wake up and decide that i'll delete it. again. yes, i am very fickle. very. it's weird how i can change my thoughts and decisions in a matter of minutes. no wonder some of my friends get tired of waiting for me to decide something. but i think i dont have a hard time in making decisions. i just have a hard time in sticking to those decisions. at first i'd think that my idea was the brightest and then suddenly i'd think it was the most ridiculous decision made. weird.



but i usually stick to the things that i love and of course to the people i love. i would call myself as loyal. yupp. loyal. i'm loyal. just have to keep saying that to myself. i need a lot of reminders in my life. i forget easily. ok, i'm getting out of the topic.



was there a topic? see? i forget a lot. i think all of those maggi, indomee and pama has started to show their effects to me. they say it will only affect us after 2 years right? 2 years ke? see, i forget again. seriously i need help. last week when i went to school, i even forgot the name of my ex-teachers. how nyanyuk can i be?! and even my juniors who came to hug and kiss me. i hugged nd kissed them back. i asked how their lives were. but i avoid saying their names because i forgot their names. what is happening to me? it's getting scary.



i don't want to forget things. i want to remember everything that is happening to me. well at least the good things. the bad things i can risk forgetting. but sometimes its the bad things that we remember the most. like my bad dreams. i used to have this repetitive nightmare when i was a kid that i can still remember till now. in that dream, i would look at our chimney and there would be something there. not sure what. but it was black. sometimes it looked like puppets. like dragon puppets. and it would just become bigger and bigger until it looked like it could eat me or crush me into a pancake. ok, how did i end up writing about my childhood nightmares?



anyways, i love writing. i'm not good at it. but i'm learning. and i hope that i'm progressing. blogs arent necessary for other people to read. well at least my blog isnt. let my blog be the place where i can just write whatever that comes through my mind. and that means, i write freely without having a specific topic. i've never been good in focusing in one topic. i always tend to lari dari topik.



so best of luck to my new blog. hope it'll end up longer than the previous one. ;)1_1