Sunday, December 28, 2008

This Year

2008. Where shall I begin? Or rather, where shall I stop? Another year is bidding farewell. But to me, everything has just started. Jusssst started.

This year, I turned 20. 20 years of living. Being 20 to me now means growing up and change for the better. I mean, if not now then when, right? But ya Allah, you know that I need your help. Lots of it, please? :(

This year, more nice people have joined my VIP list. The more the merrier, they say. My family who has always had a reserved place stays at the top of the list as always. And below them, the list goes on and on. Thank you, ya Allah. Without them, I’m nothing.

This year, he came. Too much things to say. But for now, I’ll say alhamdulillah. : ) Bless us, ya Allah.

This year, studies have improved. Yes, work works. But work still works without work if You want it to work. Everything is from you, ya Allah. Thank you.

This year, I became Teacher Azie. Now I’m surer than ever. I was borned to be a teacher. Insya Allah a teacher that doesn’t just teach but shares and cares.

This year, I think less of what people say. I still do sometimes and it hurts me to know that people would believe such things but then again, it all comes back to me. Things just don’t come out from nowhere. I must’ve started something. Unintentionally, maybe. But still I did. So I take the circumstances. Things like this, it makes us think. Without it, perhaps I’d be all tangled up without realizing it. Yes, everything happens for a reason.

This year, there are so many things that I’m grateful for. No, I’m not a daughter of a millionaire nor am I drop dead gorgeous that makes people go gaga. But for the fact that I’m not either of those or even close, I’m grateful. Life. We know that it’s short. But we either ignore it or think that, “No, I won’t die young. That wouldn’t happen to me. I’ll have time to change when I’m older. Perhaps after I retire, ” We never really know, do we? I hope in 5 years time I’ll be a devoted mom and an inspiring teacher. But will I ever reach that time? I wish I knew.

This year, my hopes haven’t end. In fact, they have increased a lot more. I accept that as a good thing. Like I said last year, what are hopes without effort? So my main effort for next year, is to change for the better. It is time to lessen the fikir dunia already. So here, I ask all of you to remind me if I get out of hand. I really do want this to happen. But I’m afraid that I’ll turn all weak again and just forget everything. Ya Allah, help. Please..

This year, I’ll end with a big THANK YOU to all the nice nice people around me.  May Allah bless you. For the not so nice, I thank you also for letting me learn the true harshness of life. Alhamdulillah, I have never stopped realizing that I’m this sinful being who never stops making mistakes. And for that, I apologize.

This year, I can’t say thank you enough to ALLAH swt for everything. And I pray that I never will stop thanking Him for I truly don’t deserve everything that He has given me. Alhamdulillah.

Next year, is something that I look forward to. I don't know what will happen but i do pray for more joy, more togetherness and more love. Insya Allah. Happy New Year 2009, peeps! May you have a good one. :D

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Not too late, am I?

Okay, so I just couldn’t sit still while everyone was going in a frenzy of being a Twilighter. Though channel E almost tempted me  to go watch the movie starring the late Cedric Diggory, I kinda have this rule of not wanting to watch any movies based on novels without reading the books first.

A reason for that? Of course because, I like to let my own imagination take over the characters’ looks and also because movies always become a big disappointment for being so off track from the real story line. The 15% discount for the book at Popular plus my Popular member card discount, which means I got the book with 25% off also contributed to the reason I joined in the bandwagon. :p

I’m not going to make another book review as im sure we’ve had enough of that. But then again, being this person who wants to share most of her thoughts with the world, I do have something to babble about. ;)

First of all, its easy to like any story that has a perfect hero in it. And the fact that Meyer had to remind the reader of Edward’s perfection every time(and I do mean EVERY time) Bella looked at him may have brought the same effect to the readers as well. I couldn’t help myself from imagining my very own version of Mr Perfect as Edward. Which was very entertaining. Ok, that should stop there. What I meant to say was, Edward being a perfect human being.. I mean,  a perfect vampire very much helped the story to become more than just a joyful read for more than billions of dreamy people like me. Ladies, in particular. ;)

As I managed to read the book with almost the same speed rate as reading Harry Potter, I found the most interesting part was when Edward brought Bella to the woods and he confessed what he had to go through when he first met Bella. How their untouchable relationship affected them. How Edward experimented his ‘strength’ by kissing Bella. I just couldn’t stop thinking at this point how their relationship had a bit of a similarity between men and women in Islam.

I remembered Fahri in Ayat-Ayat Cinta (yes, I finally managed to watch the movie) said, “Men and women in Islam are not allowed to date. We have takruf,” And if we, muslims are still wondering, “Why?”.Well, the electricity wave that existed when Edward and Bella touched could be an easy example.

“Mind over matter,” Edward says.

I say, “Iman over matter.”


Oh and and one more thing. Kids should not be reading that book. They should stay with Harry Potter.

p/s: I like the new wordpress dashboard!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Teacher Azie


loved the book-shopping part


now where did that come from? :p

yes, as most of you can guess. i'm doing tuition classes! im teaching English to the children of my mom's friends. :p

Su, Muzzammil, Ira, Solehah and Huzaifah are my first ever students. as much as im excited to teach them, im actually proud to say that they're very much excited to learn with me too!

on our first day, (which was last Monday) as their mom came to pick them up, Ira screamed, "MA!!! BES!!!"

it made me have a huge grin all day long.

they were pretty good in English already so i had much fun with them. last Monday, we learned nouns. and this morning we learned articles and verbs. i was figuring last night how to make them learn in a much more fun way. i've always loved rhyming poems and tongue twisters. so that's what i used. here, have a read yourself.

(these were the tongue twisters and poems that i used for Ira and Muzzammil)

Does he know that we know that he knows.

Big Billy, who had a big belly was also a big bully.

How many cuckoos could a good cook cook, if a cook could cook cuckoos.

I don’t know what to do today.

Perhaps I’ll go outside and play,

or stay indoors and watch TV,

or take a bath, or climb a tree.

Or maybe I’ll go ride my bike,

or pick my nose, or take a hike,

or jump a rope, or scratch my head,

or play a game, or stay in bed,

or dance a jig, or pet the cat,

or drink some milk, or buy a hat,

or sing a song, or read a book,

or change my socks, or learn to cook,

or dig a hole, or eat a pear,

or call my friends, or brush my hair,

or hold my breath, or have a race,

or stand around and slap my face.

I’m so confused, and bored, and blue,

to not know what I ought to do.

I guess that I should just ask you.

So, what do you think I should do?

and these were the ones for Su:

She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
I'm sure she sells seashore shells.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could,
and chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Breakfast in Bed

This morning I made my mom breakfast in bed.

I tried to be careful, but burnt all the bread.

I tried to make sure that the coffee was hot,

by boiling the bit left in yesterday's pot.

I charred a few pancakes, potatoes, and grits.

The sausage, I seared into smouldering bits.

I made her some muffins like miniature coals,

and roasted a package of cinnamon rolls.

I scorched several servings of hamburger hash,

and microwaved bacon until it was ash.

I blackened a bagel, which started to smoke.

The smoke alarm sounded. My mother awoke.

I think she was panicked. Her eyes filled with dread.

I proudly presented her breakfast in bed.

She grimaced, then silently counted to ten,

and asked me to never make breakfast again.

it was great to see that they laughed alot and had so much fun. i made them try to read the tongue twisters as fast as they could. and after a few tries, they managed! and they were so glad that they did. after reading them, i asked them to underline all the verbs. thats how we learned verbs. :)

Su, the eldest among them told me just now that Ira didnt want to go home after yesterday's class. hehehe cute kan?

03122008010athey actually really like doing the practices! every time they've finished one, they'd ask to do more. look at how concentrated they are.

03122008009athis was taken by my mom this morning. Solehah and Huzaifah couldnt come today as they were at kampung.

03122008011athat's Su. the eldest among them. she has such great confidence that i admire. she wants to be a heart surgeon just like her dad.

having so much fun teaching them makes me want to be a primary school teacher. ive always loved kids and i think im quite good with them. Muzzammil, who's entering standard 6 next year has been starting to open up alot. he's been asking things that he dont know to me rather than to her sister which means he's being comfortable with me.

his mom has been saying that he's the most shy among them and he doesnt speaks alot. but he's actually doing okay with me. he told me that they're going to Genting in the next 2 weeks and he said he loves going there. so after doing our practices, i asked him. "did you have fun today?" and he answered, "yes, fun like Genting" hehehe cute.

ive got 15 more hours (7/8 more days) with them. and im looking forward to every minute of it.


Monday, November 24, 2008



You Make It Real for Me, James Morrison

There's so much craziness, surrounding me
There's so much going on, it gets hard to breathe
When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me
You make it real for me

When I'm not sure of, my priorities
When I've lost sight of, where I'm meant to be
Like holy water, washing over me
You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby
You are the only one who saved me
That's why I've been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me

When my head is strong, but my heart is weak
I'm full of arrogance, and uncertainty
But I can find the words, you teach my heart to speak
You make it real for me, yeaaa

And I'm running to you baby
Cause you are the only one who saved me
That's why I've been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me

Everybody’s talking in words
I don't understand
You got to be the only one
Who knows just who I am
Your shinin in the distance
I hope I can make it through
Cause the only place
That I want to be
Is right back home with you

I guess there's so much more
I have to learn
But if you're here with me
I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere,
Somewhere I can learn
You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby
Cause you are the only one who saved me
That's why I've been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me

You make it real for me

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Creative thinking required

i found my brother's SPM papers scattered around my mom's room. there was only one paper that i was interested in, Bahasa Inggeris 1119/1 (of course).

and you guys would not believe what was one of the questions for the Section B: Continuous Writing.

3. My perfect future husband and wife.

What??? this is SPM. these kids have just pratically entered teenhood. and you're telling them to talk about their spouses? HAHAHAHAHA. i thought we're not even allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends during school. let alone think about our husbands and wives? oh or am i still living in the Stone Age?

but i do have to agree that this question is kinda interesting. i wouldnt mind being one of the examiners just so that i could read what 17 year olds ideas of a perfect husband or wife would be. kids are getting smarter and much more mature nowadays, arent they? so perhaps their answers would include; responsible, kind, caring, respectful rather than tall, handsome/pretty, wealthy, sexy, etc.

i wonder if i would choose that question if it was in my SPM. i dont think i would. too risky if you ask me. i mean, what would an adult think when a 17 year old starts to describe his/her future husband/wife? it would sound kinda... well.. dreamy. not that being dreamy is bad. i've been a dreamer all my life. but for the SPM? i think i prefer staying on the solid ground.

if it was me answering the paper, i think i would choose no. 4.

write a story ending with:

"....Now I realise the value of a true friend."

sounds boring but safe.

just FYI,

these are the other options

1. Write about a person who has worked hard to succeed in life.

2. Examinations- good or bad?

5. Stars

what would you choose?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Soon, please come

I carry your heart with me, EE Cummings

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear;

and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

for i know my heart is with you..

i miss you :(

Saturday, November 15, 2008

2 Down, 1 to go!

Aiman used to hate going to his Montessori. he would cry every morning and made lame excuses so that he wouldnt have to go.

but one day, my parents made a deal with him.

"Aiman, if you be a good boy and go to school today, on the way back home, we'll stop by the bakery and get whatever you want."

my brother, a carbs-lover like me, couldnt resist the offer. so every morning, he would try his best to be a "good boy."

that, my friends is what we call Extrinsic Motivation. when students are extrinsically motivated, they will do something to obtain something else. in this case, a cheese coated bun or a chocolate sprinkled donut.

hehehehe. sorry, im in the middle of cracking my brain like many other people out there tonight studying psycho but just had to have a break to share some crumbs.

i just cant focus no matter how hard i try. i keep repeating, "oh esok balik!!! YEAY!!"

after 8 tormenting weeks (a new record), im finally going back to sweet home georgetown tomorrow night.

guess i'll see ya guys at penang in the following month or so, huh?

Good Luck buddies and Happy Hols!!!!!!!


Monday, November 10, 2008

BI kena A, ok!


thats my baby brother.

he was wearing my favourite sheep jacket.

and my favourite pair of gloves.

"kawabangga dude!" he used to say.

as much as i want to treat him like my baby brother.

i guess i cant anymore.

he's taller than me! aaah tidaaak!

and he's 17.

my baby brother is 17.

(what's next?? getting his wedding invitation?? ohhhh)

Aiman is sitting for his SPM tomorrow.

Ya Allah,

though he still likes to wear my polo t-shirts and pretend that it has always been his.

though he saves my name as "Kolot" in his phone.

though he always call me names that should not be exposed here.

please please please help him all the way.

may he succeed dunia akhirah.

because Ya Allah, in my heart he'll always be my baby brother. always.


you go dude!! make us proud!! kawabangga!!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Ainul Mardhiah

when choosing a new outfit, the questions that i need to answer before i continue my steps to the cashier are;

"would i be grounded for buying this?"

"would i still be wearing it next year?"

"would papa ask me, "ikut hukum boleh ke pakai macam tu, kaklang?""

"would he eye me differently if i wear it?"

and of course the most ultimate question;

"would ALLAH approve me wearing it,"

being a girl, i have this irrational need to buy endless amount of clothes.

sesungguhnya Allah SWT sukakan kesederhanaan dan bencikan pembaziran

i knowww. and i think i am actually practicing moderation. am i? well im trying.

but oh, dont i just get all excited when i see new trends in those fashion websites and magazines. though i dont look at all like a fashionista to you, i have this very very very deep enthusiasm(?) for fashion. i love reading fashion mags, i love watching any shows with runways on them, i love visiting fashion blogs, i admire fashion designers, i love looking at clothes and imagine that i could wear them.

uhuh. a thought that always occur to me(and i believe other hijabians out there) when we see out of bounds outfits is,

"if only i was allowed to, i would wear this."

but the thought just has to stop there because if i think too much about it, i'd probably buy it anyway and save it for special events at home with my future husband hahahaha.

but my dear ladies, dont worry. you know the sacrifice that we have to endure right now is totally for our happiness here after, right?

we just have to believe that our life now is short. (life's short so enjoy it to the max?) well okaaay. but in Islam, everything has its limits. and believe it or not, these limits are not made out of the blue. everything has a reason. what we are confining ourselves into right now is to make us become the most beautiful angels  in Jannah.

if we think what we're wearing right now is going to make guys drop their jaws with admiration, then bear in mind that if we obey His rules now, in Jannah, we'll be 70 times prettier than the angels. oh and did you know, the ugliest angel in Jannah, is the most beautiful woman on earth? most beautiful woman. hmmm. a Miss World perhaps? and she's the ugliest in Jannah.

so who cares if im not a head-turner on earth for not wearing the latest trends, for draping myself in layers and layers of black clothes, for not being able to show just a lil bit of skin? because my mission is to be Miss Jannah for my husband in the life here after. insyaAllah :)

so yea, although i leave Forever 21, Topshop, Miss Selfridge, Dorothy Perkins, MNG,  with a sinking feeling for not being able to wear most of their clothes(also because of financial factor hehehe)  , im just hoping that it will cause Allah's mercy when i will need it soon. ameen.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

No excuse

Rasulullah SAW bersabda,

Mata boleh berzina dengan melihat, lidah boleh berzina dengan bercakap, tangan boleh berzina dengan berpegangan. Kaki boleh berzina dengan berjalan ke arah tempat maksiat. Hati pula boleh berzina dgn merindui, mengingati dan membayangi si dia.

(HR Bukhari dan Muslim)

Astagfirullahalazim. :(

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Uuuu. Nak balik dah!

Selamat Berjuang rakan-rakan dan orang tersayang!

Include me in your doas, please?

May Allah help us all.


hehehe saja letak lagu ni. ailaik. :p

Friday, October 31, 2008

U need the Sun to call it Sunnies

i wore my favourite pair of sunnies and let these pics(and a few more) playing at the slides behind me.

and then i said,
As you can see right now. me and these beautiful behind me have one thing in common. okay, nooo. unfortunately i'm not a celeb also, but.....

i persuaded my audience to wear sunnies. where did i get the idea? not sure. i like wearing them. my mom likes wearing them. even my dad does. and i know most people do. madam liked the idea. so yea.

at the end of my speech, i said
so let's all come to the fac after this with our sunnies on!

but honestly, i didnt really mean it. yea, you can wear it on the way to the fac. why not kan? its blazing hot nowadays. but please, when you get in the class, please take them of. nampak poyo ok. :p

and the most popular trend nowadays, wear sunnies in the mall. i mean IN the mall? takyah la kuut. mall tu takdak sinar UV pun. maybe it'll look stylish on Paris Hilton or Victoria Beckham, regardless where and when they wear them. but to us, normal human beings, lets keep our sunnies outdoors shall we? :)

orang lain tulis pasal persuasive speech, saya pun nak nyibuk jugak. :p cant believe the sem's over.


only strangers slip things under the door.

if you're reading this.

well, at least you know what i feel right now.

but dont worry, i'll catch up with you later.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Papa would kill me

"Hey woman!! You see my stomach here??! I'm also pregnant! But do I go eating whatever I want especially the Sultan's fruit?? NOOOO!!"

finally my 3 weeks of being on and off pregnant has come to an end. will i miss those days imagining that i was azielina jolie? hmmm, maybe. :p

being a part of Dang Anum: When desires should be left desired was a total blast. thanks guys for being such great people to work with; Syiqin, Shaza, Waniesab, Fiqah, Hajar, A'a, Firdaous, Din and Amar. i'll miss the days of having to finish your lines and pretending that i could be more "jantan" than you guys. :p i cant seem to get anyone's lines from my head. they're like songs going on and on and on. ;)

during one of our early drama classes with Madam Rosalind, i still remember her saying, "I know that now, you feel that time passes so slowly in drama class."

and i was saying to myself, "time passes slowly? it doesnt passes slowly. it feels like it doesnt passes at all!!"

she continued, "....but as we do more and more activities and warm ups, i promise you each and everyone of you will enjoy yourselves and have a good time,"

by that time, i was doing a silent prayer; "please let me fall sick every Monday from 2-5 pm," Drama scared me. A LOT!

but bit by bit, she proved her words were true. i slowly opened up. sloooowwly. but i did. and BAM! who would've known(not even me), that my "opening up" ended up making me an evil 8months pregnant woman hehehe.

being preggers was not the only 1st time experience that i got. i got to wear make up! yupp, a day to be noted in my diary; me wearing thick greenish-bluish eyeshadow, extra blushing pink blusher and firing red lipstick. and the best part is, i did it myself! (i discovered a hidden talent haha).  honestly, i didnt know what i was doing. our make-up artist had her hands full so i decided to play with the colourful thingies myself. and yes, it was fun. really, really, fun. the bad part was, i didnt dare to drink water although i was thirsty badly at that time because i worried i'd smudge my lipstick. i looked like a clown+joker. and thats a good thing when you're on stage.

so yes Madam, we had great fun. tiring. but fun. nothing felt better than the sound of the applause at the end of the day. so thank you for giving us the chance to open up and make a fool of ourselves. :p

thanks to everyone who came and supported us and congratulations to all the other groups who made such fantastic presentations as well.

to the casts of Voila! Production, please accept my apologies of bringing my Hu Du Men a bit too much sometimes. blame the unstable hormones that we pregnant women have to handle. ok ok no, seriously i'm sorry if i got a bit garang sometimes. i become a monster when i dont get enough sleep, rest and food. mintak maaf ye rakan-rakan? :)

aaaah, i'm so missing you guys already.

Standing from left: Meranti(without pregnant belly), Tanjung, Tun Bija Ali, Sultan Mahmud Shah, Laksamana Megat, Teratai, Kemboja.

Sitting from left: Cempaka, Dang Anum and Melur.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Perjanjian FOKUS.

Terms and Conditions:

1. The forbidden days would be Monday till Friday.

2. Working days are also included as the forbidden days.

3. Friday morning will be an exception if work starts on Friday night.

4. Public holidays will not be an exception as a forbidden day.

5. There will be an exception if there is a very important matter to be told or if extreme dudu happens. In these situations, the maximum number would be 3 only.

6. Terms and conditions do not apply during the semester break.

7. The agreement is applied to both parties starting 21st October 2008 until further notice.

Cinta akhirah Cinta hakiki. :)

Because you're worth it

Ibnu Abbas RA berkata,

"Sesungguhnya perbuatan baik itu mendatangkan kecerahan pada wajah dan cahaya pada hati, kekuatan badan dan kecintaan. Sebaliknya, perbuatan buruk itu mengundang ketidakceriaan pada raut muka, kegelapan di dalam kubur dan di hati, kelemahan badan, susutnya rezeki dan kebencian makhluk."

A for August

was tagged by aina, nashrah and safwan :)

the rules:

· Pick your birth month.

. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.

.Bold (or italicize) the best apply to you.

.Copy to your own blog, with all twelve months.

. Tag 5 people.
AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream.. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer.Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Gimme my meds

saya nak balik.

saya sakitrumah.

saya nak balik.


Let me win yours

was tagged by the cuties; nashrah and aina. :)

My top 10 favourite food.
- nasik with lots of gravy. biaq banjir.
- kicap manis cap kipas udang
- spaghetti
- bread, buns, pastry
- cookies cookies cookies (esp digestive ones)
- nasik lemak
- tom yam
- kuih traditional like kuih seri muka, kuih ketayap, karipap!
- nasik briyani with lots of raisins!
- pizza!!

10 Things I love doing
- reading
- surf the web
- sleeeping :p
- writing
- talking
- day dreaming
- sewing
- blogging
- read his letters
- listen to music

5 Types of girls that I adore
- someone like my mom- soo young spirited. sometimes more than me!
- real. doesnt pretend to be someone that she's not
- listens and doesnt just talk
- sensitive
- genuinely caring and trustful

5 Things I love doing when I'm feeling down
- make a silent prayer
- watch a very sad movie so that i could cry
- write in my diary and keep saying to myself that its not all that bad
- blurt it all out to my pals or mama
- sleep! :p

5 Things I love doing when I'm happy
- giggle
- talk with this unsual happy tone
- write
- make dumb jokes
- sleep? hehe ok ok sing. :p

10 Ways to win my heart
- base his love to me because of Allah
- love should be more than words. he shows how much he cares. :)
- win my parents' hearts :p
- doesnt easily give up
- he is him. and i like that him. no need for being like any other him.
- he's the one who leads in every aspect. not the other way around.
- he brings out the best in me
- takes me seriously as in doesnt take me for granted
- he accepts my flaws
- can make me smile when im having a really bad day

My top 5 most favourite junk food
- vanilla ice cream
- cadbury bytes
- pringles
- chachos BBQ

5 Things I wish it could happen soon
- the semester hols!!!!!!! pleaaaaaaaaaase. pretty please. :(
- the final drama
- the gaps between the final papers
- 20th march
- monorail penang to be starting already!

5 Ridiculous things I wish to do before I die
- merempit hahaha
- go overseas just for a vacation
- buy a genuine designer outfit
- be the voice of an animated character in a Disney cartoon
- meet brad pitt :p

My top 5 recently most addicted song
unchained melody- the platters
you and i- michael buble
going on- Gnarles Barkley
just dance- Lady Gaga
love story- Katherine McPhee

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I wish I could be there

this is my darling Muslihah.

she was warded this morning for typhoid fever.

could you guys please pray for her too?

thank you.


Saturday, October 11, 2008

Ais Batu Kacang pun okay

Just noticed that i was tagged by Mr Taufik. :)

the last 3 things U purchased?

blue sandals that sound like terompah


the last 3 songs U downloaded?
Pink- So What
The Platters- Only You
Soundtrack Disney- Beauty and The Beast

the last 3 places U visited?
Edu Fac
Ausmat Cafe

Intec Library

3 favourite movies?
Joe Black
The Green Mile

3 favourite possessions?
my loved ones
my bags
my books

3 things U cannot live without?
my phone
credit to use my phone
people who call or sms me on my phone ;)

what would be ur 3 wishes?
live overseas or atleast honeymoon there :p
have a happy family by the next 5years
eat whatever i want hehehe

3 things u haven't done yet?

havent gone to korea or paris for my honeymoon
havent cooked a real meal
havent finished my assignments. sigh.

3 favourite dishes?
nasik+sardin+telur dadar+kicap

3 celebrities U wanna hang out with?
Knox and Vivienne

3 things that freak U out?
worms, snakes and the like
the thought of loosing my memory
garang people

3 unusual things U are good at?
read people's mind without letting them notice ;)
making people misinterpret my actions
talk to babies

3 things U are coveting?
another handbag hihihihi
make everyday my birthday

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Selamat Beramal

okay, first of all. i would like to express my jealousy to my fellow blogging friends who have the time and i must say the gift to write about the simplest things that end up making my day.

i love the way you guys organize your ideas, how you guys make everything you write significant rather than just writing nonsense babbling like what i do.

so as i read more and more of your writings, i start to feel inferior. thus making me spending less time on my blog and more and more time on yours. seems like my passion for reading overcomes my passion for writing.

i enjoy reading what happens in your lives. which is weird. because we barely even talk in the real world. but thats not a bad thing because sometimes words work better.

second, im going to start my random babbling. inferior or not. i still want to update my blog. :p i should actually be doing my persuasive speech draft right now but my hands have been itchy for quite some to type something here. the only problem is, unlike my brilliant friends, i have nothing smart, funny or informative to share.

my eid was okaay. a bit sad that ramadhan passed in a flash though. like seriously, it was the fastest month ever. too much that i wanted to do in that short month but wasnt able too. and on Raya, i was too busy being an improved anak dara, that i forgot to take photos. so i only have some bad shots of me during raya that i prefer keeping to myself. but still, i dont think its too late to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya!

during these few months, something or should i say, someone, has made me see things in a different perspective. it was difficult in the beginning to agree with what he said but as i do my random surfing on the web, i found an article that wrote something like this;

Don't try to adjust Allah's rules to suit our own comfort, interests or needs. when Allah says No, then its a No. there should be no excuses in obeying the rules of Allah. Allah will reward them who obeys Him and those who do not, will be punished.

those words were like bullets hitting my face and i had no will whatsoever to build a shield.

there are many, many, many things that i like to do that i know Allah dislikes but i still do it because i keep giving excuses to myself to make me not feel so bad. what i dont realize though is that those excuses are only making me feel better because they are strongly supported by my faithful adviser, Syaitan. but i shouldnt blame him completely because if the shield in me is strong enough, i wouldnt have listened to the excuses anyway.

a very simple example would be shopping. yes, shopping. i looooooove shopping. i love it so much that even an empty purse would fail to stop me. its not that ive never heard that the place where Rasulullah hates the most is the market as in malls. its not that ive never heard that when we go to malls, we'd have the tendency to buy things that we dont really need, people tend to lie to increase profit, people steal at malls, people wear exposed clothes that they dont usually wear at malls, people date at malls, people pray late or even not pray at all at malls. people forget Allah at malls.

but am i able to resist the Mega Sale posters along the roads? uh-uh. i make an excuse that i should spend during sales so that i could get a good bargain. but then, id end up buying more than i should because its half price. hmm, speaking about malls. there is a doa that we can read when entering malls;

"La ilaha illallah, wahdahu la syarika lah, lahul mulku wa lahul hamdu, yuhyi wa yumit, wa huwa hayyun la yamut, biyadihil khair, wa huwa 'ala kulli syai-in qadir."

to whoever that is reading this, please please please understand that what im writing is a note to myself. i have no title whatsoever to say what you're doing is wrong or what im doing is right. no no no.  i admit wholeheartedly that everyone has their weak spots in various things and who am i to judge? i am a sinful being that realizes my mistakes but continue to do so as i am weak. very very very weak. so as a weak being, i just cant control myself to write about this in my blog. read if you want to read. dont feel like it? then stop.

please please please stop misunderstanding me. i have had enough of that. my blog has been the place where i used to write whatever i felt like writing. i had very little visitors then. but it was peaceful and harmony. but now, things have changed. perhaps that is why people say development doesnt always means good. i read and reread what i wrote before clicking Publish. sometimes i just keep it in draft and leave it there.

i wonder, should i write in every post to whom my writings are intended for? im pretty sure i dont have to go that far right? my reminder though, i dont usually be sarcastic in my blog. i prefer keeping things to myself. but if things go out of hand, there would be some sarcasm. just make sure you really, really, really understand it first before accusing me of anything.

i would have never thought blogging could be as harmful as this. ive made enemies, and broken so many hearts. unintentionally. if it was intentionally, than feel free to hate me. but to those who have misunderstood me from my dumb babblings and rumblings here, from the bottom of my heart, i apologize.

wow, im surprised to see how long ive typed. kempunan untuk menulis sudah dipenuhi. :p the original idea was to express my fascination to those who have the ideas to publish several posts in one single day. you guys are just amazing. keep filling my days with your writings. :)

its almost 12am. i should really start doing my speech now. have a fun week, guys!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Lagi sedap dari yang kat Bazaar

i know it has been awhile since i really updated my blog. kalau anda perasan, post saya sebelum ni semuanya pendek-pendek. tu sebab saya takda idea dan sangat sibuk la tuu.

these past few weeks have been soo hectic with the crammed up tests, assignments and presentations. those who agree with me say, "ahoi!".

and i discovered this funny thing last thursday (which is the day we have our third language classes) when looking at my friends' statuses on YM.

Acad: ~Word of the day: wo bu zhidao!

In: ~swioyo~

Izzatul: ottoke?

Moja: wo bu pei

seems our third language has taken a toll on us, huh? ;)

(im not really sure if in's "swioyo" is actually korean or not. but it sure sounds like it. :p)

it has been 12 days of fasting and for once, today im going to cook. yes, applaud please. my 5 other housemates have all gone back home. to their families. leaving me home alone. do i feel like crying? yes. its not that they didnt offer to drag me along, but i insisted not to. i sometimes enjoy having my alone time. even if that means breaking my fast alone with cucoq ikan bilis. dont pity me. the bazar ramadhan is too near that i could actually order my meal by yelling (too bad there isnt any service like that). just malas nak pegi sorang-sorang.

so perhaps you guys have figured out by now, that im writing a long post today not because ive actually got this great thing to share with but simply because i finally have this freeee time to do anything i want. however, our internet connection has become a bit of a disappointment lately. i've even been malas to online my YM because with every sentence i send, it will then cause me to be disconnected. yes, i am Ms. DC.

something has happened to me. and as much as i want to share it with everyone in the whole wide world, i prefer to keep it small. but you guys can know that im happy. reaaaallly happy. :)
to those who have been praying for my happiness, i thank you and may Allah grant the same back at ya. and to you who have been doing vice versa. well, i'll pray for your happiness anyway. and no, im not being hypocrite but im being kind. you should try that some time. :)

so i have today, tomorrow and sunday to be alone. some people would do anything to not be alone. but i kinda enjoy it. call me weird but i guess im used to it. again, dont pity me or think im this freak who doesnt know how to socialize thus making me have this dire need for isolation. sometimes, i just wanna be alone. senang kan bela saya ni? :p

oh i created this poem. well actually its a puisi. or is it syair? nevermind, its my first Malay poem. and i know that its terribly jiwang. HAHA. so whoever feels that they're too weak to handle mushy stuff. shoooh! go now! :p

Kau kejutkanku
dari angan-angan dunia.
Kau berikanku
lebih dari yang ku pinta.

Kau kuatkanku
dengan kisah-kisah syurga.
Kau tenangkanku
dengan doa-doa bahagia.

Kau sedarkanku
bahwa kau yang ku tunggu.
Kau yakinkanku
hidup ini untuk Yang Satu.

Jadi usah kau risau
usau kau cemburu.
Diri ini tidak hirau
sesiapa selain diri mu.

azie nazri
10/09/08 9.37pm

oh its almost 6pm. gotta start doing my cucoq ikan bilis. selamat berbuka rakan-rakan. :)

Thursday, August 21, 2008

One Step Closer

today, it has been exactly 20 years and 1 week of me breathing. (or in simpler words; my birthday was last week). ;)

i would have to apologize to my besties for being so hard to be surprised. but guys, that doesnt mean i dont appreciate all the whisperings behind my back to

plan whether to go to McD or Pizza, and the sudden need to go to town on a weekday to buy my present.

from the bottom of my heart, thank you for making these two years of celebrating my day with you guys special. :)

i cant believe im already 20. i know i've said this every year. and perhaps until the day that i die i'll keep saying this. "i cant believe im already ___"

but this year, i just can believe im finally leaving the teen behind. it was hard for me to believe that i was 11. i could still remember the words that i

wrote in my diary; "i'm finally not a kid anymore". and it made me smile. but now, im actually scared to admit that, "im not a teen anymore"

im an adult. and when you say adult, we very well know that it means huger responsibilties. and people who know me would also know that i suck when it comes

to holding responsibilties. guess its time to grow up, huh?

year after year goes by. year after year, new people come and go in my life. but i have realized year after year, new people join the celebration of me

entering this world. so i have never forgotten to count my blessings to the All Mighty for surrounding me with these people who are just full of love and


thanks Thariq for being the first to wish. before 12am lagi. mesti sebab jam dia laju. hehe.

to Diana for making that announcement in class and Wanisab for forcing the whole class to sing "Happy Birthday" and "Allah Selamatkan Kamu". lucky that im

not a blusher because if i did, my face would be as pink as... air bandung? :p

thanks also to Diana, Syiqin, Firdaous, Syamil, Jiji and Hasrul for having that makan-makan.

to akak-akak rumah for the hugs and kisses.

to So for coming that night with my presents all the way from India.

to Mus for the message that made me cry.

to azwan. :)

and to everyone that remembered, wished and prayed. especially my family.

May Allah bless you all.

p/s: i wish birthdays could be longer. one day is not enough. :(

Saturday, August 9, 2008

We love modules, dont we?

just felt like uploading these pics. they were taken during Module 3.

sebarang ketidakpuashatian sila hantar surat aduan kepada editor. tengokla dia rajin ke tak nak layan. :p

Monday, August 4, 2008

There's a UiTM Jor Today

"kak mal, weekend ni kita stay rumah jela kan? takde duitlaaa. nak makan pun takde duit dah" (while reading The Star).

"tulaaa, duit yang umi bagi cukup untuk bayar sewa rumah jee. every weekend nak kuar. minggu ni duk umah je. japgi saya nak masak sardin la"

"uuuuu, sedapnyaa. (reading the PC Fair advertisement). eh kak mal, tengah PC Fair la sekarang. sampai esok jelaa. mesti bangah pegi. nak message dia laa"


bngh, x pi pc fair?

awat? kamu pi ka?

xtau lg.. awat?

kamu nak beli apa2 ka?

xlah. saja tanya..

ooh.. bangah duk kat pc fair ni. hehe. nak kim pa2 ka?

hm, dh agk dh. takut kantoi ngn klg la 2.. xdak pa kut..

xdaklah, sj tny.. xmau mai ka?

hm, tlg tgk2 kan digicam bleh?

zie.. i think u better cum here urself..penuh pilihan..



30mins later. i was on the bus to KL. there goes my plan to be grounded for the weekend. :p

i bought a digital camera. the cheapest of its range. but im quite satisfied with it.

i was supposed to arrive home before 8. because there was marching practice. oh yeaa, i joined perkad and we have practice every night. even on saturdays. im actually excited to go to practice every single night. no matter how tiring it gets. hopefully being chosen to represent my fac for the marching competition this 10th August. be there to support us, ok? :) ok, back to the story. there were just sooo many people that our movement was slightly delayed. so i couldnt make it that night. sedih actually. i love perkad. :)

today's a sunday. finished Modul 3  with Ms Afni at 2.15pm just now. was ok, i guess. was terribly sleepy actually. tapi bila dah balik rumah tak rasa nak tido plak. im hungry. but im broke. so i ate megi. still hungry. ate oat. and im still hungry. :(

rayner's here right now. yup, in our house. he's trying to secure our wireless connection. no more intruders after this! HAHA! thanks rayner! you're such a cool computer geek! :p

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Jasa Abang TM.

while reading Aku Terima Nikahnya by Hasrizal Abdul Jalil, i was already excited to do my review of it. the book was highly recommended by Kak Amal, my housemate. approaching the big 20,me and my housemates have had the same main subject of conversation for quite some time. ;)

Aku Terima Nikahnya is the writings of a fiance turned husband turned father. he writes about his journey in being this one person that holds the responsibilities of 3 individuals. make that 4(include the responsibility as a son). his story touches people like me because his stories are real.

"pelikkah cinta tanpa berkenalan, keluar makan-makan, berbalas emel dan SMS?"

those are the words on the cover. how can i not be tempted to read the book? ;)

the author shares his experiences of agreeing to tie the knot with a woman that he has never even met. they agree to accept each other after being suggested by people who really know each of them and know that they would suit each other perfectly. no dinner, no movies, no strolling at the park. yet, they are convinced than ever that they would be soul mates. how come? hmmm, must be the power of Solat Istikharah.

the book would be just a normal novel without all the advices based on Hadiths and Al Quran found a lot throughout his narration. he talks about premarriage relationship, about being a husband and wife, about being a father and mother and about the responsibility as a son to an aging mother.

"in marriage, dont be too fussy and choose only whats perfect. if we want everything to be perfect, and when we make a decision to accept someone, we would think of her as perfect. if a marriage is built on that belief, we wouldnt expect any imperfection. so after getting married, the only thing that we'll see is our wive's flaws, because earlier, we only expected perfection. accept her as she is. her qualities are appereciated, her flaws are accepted."

it doesnt sound as nice as in BM. so im going to include the original words;

"dalam hal berumah tangga, janganlah terlalu memilih dan hanya mencari yang paling sempurna. jika kita mahu yang paling sempurna, maka nanti apabila kita membuat keputusan untuk menerima seseorang, kita menganggapnya sebagai seorang yang sempurna. jika rumah tangga kita dibina atas fikiran itu, kita tidak expect sebarang kekurangan. maka selepas berumah tangga, hanya kekurangan isteri sahajalah yang sering terlihat di mata, kerana kita menjangkakan kesempurnaan. terimalah seseorang seadanya. kebaikannya disyukuri, kekurangannya diredhai,"

when i first heard the song Sempurna by Andra and The Backbone, i was saying, "this is not right. noone is sempurna." well those are the words of me, someone that is currently not head over heels for somebody. but for someone that is deeply inlove, the magic of love will make them appreciate that person's qualities and accept his/her flaws. when someone is able to do that, he/she will see that person as sempurna. but to her and her eyes only. :)

one of his many advice that opened my eyes is this one, "we dont have to begin a relationship if in that near future, there is no possibility that that relationship will be upgraded to marriage. dont get involved in lovey dovey stuffs in matriculation if we are well aware that our parents will not agree on our marriage, except after finishing our studies. commitments that are build playfully as in will not lead to marriage will always end because of an emotion that is called BOREDOM."

i soo agree on that. i mean, if you're studying in the same university as your bf/gf. or worse, the same fac and same class. you'll meet him/her everyday. after class, you'll have lunch together. and then, there would be assignments or study groups (of course both of you would be in the same group) that require you to do discussions together. and at night, until the minute you fall asleep, you'll SMS or talk to each other on the phone talking about what you two did that day. so when will you have that apart time that will make you miss each other badly that it makes you wanna cry? and dont even start to wonder why do you suddenly have to fake this excitement of meeting the same person everyday after several years together. and this is just for the coupling stage yee. belum kawen lagi. so maybe it is actually a good idea to start being an item a year before marriage. and it has to be under control. the loosing control is only and only after marriage.

i love the book because it makes me realize how a person can be as valuable as a diamond or as filthy as dirt by just expressing this innocent thing called love. its not wrong to love and be loved. in fact, Rasulullah SAW once said, "tidak beriman seseorang selagi dia tidak saling mengasihi," tidak beriman. not loving can make somone imanless. thats how important love is. but everything that we do have to be based on syariat. everything becomes hard because we have this faithful persuader beside us called Iblis. so thats why we have to build our iman and be strong so that resisting to agreeing to all his stupid advices would finally be easy. and thus expressing love would be something eternally beautiful and meaningful rather than something that would bring temporary satisfaction and end as a disaster.

i love everything that Ustaz Hasrizal wrote in his book. i find it all useful. especially for men that will someday become husbands and fathers. i love this;

"betulkan pandangan terhadap isteri. jangan pandang isteri dengan pandangan mata yang kering, atau pandangan akal yang gersang, jauh sekali pandangan nafsu yang melulu. pandanglah isteri dengan pandangan hati, kerana hati itulah yang memberi makna kepada pasangan hidup kita. walaupun sudah dimamah usia, dialah separuh hidup kita. separuh yang manis, kata pepatah Arab. adanya isteri dan suami, sempurnalah sifat seorang insan. bayangkan sahaja Adam di syurga, segala -galanya sudah sempurna. tetapi tetap terasa kurang kerana dirinya tiada pasangan. hargailah kasih sayang suami dan isteri, pandanglah dengan pandangan hati, kerana ia pandangan hakiki."

comel kan? :) remaining romantic after 50years of marriage. not impossible if we look at our partner with our hearts.

living in this information age, receiving and delivering knowledge is just a click away. its just the matter of us wanting it or not. we are blessed with the ability to reach any book or reading source about practically anything that we want to read. reading books like Aku Terima Nikahnya gives me some ideas of how i could be a good wife and mother when i do reach that stage one day. and pssst, guess what? i cant wait! :p

so please read the book. "Aku Terima Nikahnya". so that when the day actually comes when you have to say those exact words, you'll say them with a preparation and understanding of your new duty as a devoted husband or wife.

*all the advice and words of wisdom here are a kena-pada-batang-hidung-sendiri for the author(me).:p save me Ya ALLAH.

and oh yeaa, our streamyx finally dah ok. yeay!! susah2 je abang TM datang banyak kali. :p

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

At least I Have You

i have this problem. and its getting serious. no kidding.
when things go wrong and that person seems like i no longer have any sense of significance to him/her, and thus somehow manages to vanish me from his/her life which explains why him/her treats me like an invisible being, i'd do this stupidest thing. at first i'd go with the flow too. i'd play the blissful game of ignorance. retreating to the stage where we were strangers all over again. as if we never ever shared the simple relationship named friendship. oh yes, im talking about friendship here.

i'd be okay for awhile. like a month or so. and then there would be like this back-to-back scene playing in my mind. example: whenever i listen to that song i'd have this image of us singing to it and then laughing at our different versions of lyrics. or when i see that car, i remember you offering to pick me up or give me a ride when i really needed it. or when i see someone who has the tiniest similarity with you, i'd be looking at him/her twice. just to make sure that he/she's not you. oh but what makes things tougher for me is, its only the nice, sweet and happy things that keep replaying. the mean, selfish and irrational things i still remember but they're blurry and doesnt affect me as much. unfair.

and when the images of kindness reappears, i'd experience this feeling of guilt plus kerinduan. so i'd be finding excuses to make things okay again. which makes me wonder, why did all this happen in the first place?? we started as friends. im pretty sure that we both agreed on that. i mean, there wasnt any plan to change friendship into something else. atleast i made that clear at the early stage. because i worried that if i didnt, someone would get hurt. in fact, i think that was my exact sentence to you, wasnt it?

then, as the getting-to-know-you stage passed, and things went pretty good, the plan kinda changed. fast forward. we agreed and disagreed on several things. fast forward again. we found out that things werent going so well after all. and suddenly, i become an irritation. somebody that was ignored when seen "azie is online". or when i call or send SMSs. to tell you the truth, i dont understand why it has to be this way. if i knew that starting this relationship earlier would make us become strangers all over again now, i would have never even agreed to be friends with you. you know, friends dont back off on each other. boyfriends and girlfriends do when things dont go their way. because they had something very special that if they still keep in contact, it would hurt them. but friends, they fight and they make up. they dont turn into strangers. in fact, even certain exs still remain friends after having a bad break up. so why, im asking WHY would you have to back off completely now? honestly, i bug you that much??

and then there's this other situation. you come to me. after all this time. bringing me that feeling again. saying those words again. but in an improved version. a more mature one to be exact. and me thinking that im the Strong Azie. thinking i can handle this. its not going to happen like it did before. this time, its different. this time, its the truth. this time, im not being played. this time, i want to believe. and then, just as i fear. this time, its the same. this time, its a lie. this time, im the game. but again, this time, i believed.
im dissapponted in me more than you.

harsh world, huh? so what should i do? force myself to remember all the bad memories and shove away the nice ones? and have a very, very, very strong reminder of  how bad it hurts to get hurt? it sounds so much easier than it is.

but you know what, this is what happens to people that think too much about world matters. i know that there should be a balance. actually the balance means that the life hereafter should be the main concern. but whats happening to me now is the other way around. can i just blame the hormones? oh Iblis, i hate you.
forgive me, Ya ALLAH. :(

but you.. thanks for making me smile at the end of the day. :)

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Tick Tock Tick Tock

its been a few days hasnt it?

first, because i havent much things to write.

second, i kinda like lost the mood to write because my laptop was stolen last week.

third, well busy i guess.

forth, someone has been using my friendster and ym. i know. stupid rite? and i also have a problem with my ym which answers the question why i havent been online for awhile.

about my laptop being stolen, if you guys have read my post titled Alternative, then you guys would know the story about the drug addict. well he's the one who broke into our house last week. yeah i know, we should have never treated him so nicely. the next time we see him, we're gonna cut his arm. yupp. we even have an axe readied for him. and ropes too. to tie him after we cut his arm. or maybe before we cut his arm. so that he wouldnt move. then we'll call the police.

i cant believe that the hols is almost ending. i have less than a week. oh i feel like crying. i know that it gets really boring sometimes. all i do is surf and watch tv. but its home. and whatever i do at home feels all homey. meaning no worries, no fuss, no stress. so no matter how bored i get,  i still feel at home. and there's my mom that at times i talk nonstop with or not talk at all. and my room where i can make it squeeky clean or horribly messy. i dont wanna leave home. :(

guess what? i havent even bought the ticket to shah alam. and people have been buying it since last month. please let there be a ticket for me ya ALLAH. i need to go back. i cant be absent on my first day of school. although it would be cool. to let people wonder whether ive quit or something. (ok, maybe im not that desperate for attention yet.)

we're entering sem 3, huh? how time flies. cant believe i'll be 20 this year. no more "1" infront. no more "teen" at the end. and im still single. HAHA. where did that come from? oh maybe it was from herne's emphasis about it at her post. that girl is hilarious. but honestly, she always makes me nervous because i dont know what'll come out from her mouth. because she says the darnest things. which would make us(me, syiqin and diana) laugh at first. and then we're like, "wait, was that a joke or was she serious?"  HAHA. but her idea about the award thingy is brilliant. why didnt i think of that? so i take this opportunity to thank you, herne. im flattered for encouraging you to blog because like i said it would be interesting to read your writings. and they do end up very interesting indeed. and well.. im flattered about the other thing too. :p

i got another news today. most of our tesl friends who got the KPM interview managed to get the scholarship. among them that i remember are; syamil, fahim, izni, rayner. congratulations you guys! and oh, im with them. but i cant say im extremely happy. grateful, yes. but imactually really surprised. i thought i sucked badly at the interview. i even forgot the word balanced in BM. so getting this offer kinda like make things harder. the thing is, i just applied for the scholarship to give it a shot and also because all my friends applied. i actually have this ambition to apply the Young Lecturer Scheme and continue my masters right away after graduating. and be a lecturer. so if i accept this scholarship, i'll be bonded with the kementerian to be a teacher for 5 years. Teacher Azie. it doesnt sound too bad, right? and i'll get money! yeeehaa! but what about my perfect plan? oooh, im so bad in making decisions. again, im pleading for His help. but my dad says go with it. ALLAH has made me pass all the stages so far so maybe He's actually telling me that im meant to be Teacher Azie first. then maybe i can continue with my plan of being Madam Azie (insya Allah dah madam waktu tu :p) afterwards.

but what do you guys think? do i look like a Teacher Azie or Ms/Madam Azie?