Monday, March 10, 2008

'Futuristic' Thoughts

its hard for me to fall. but when i fall, i fall hard. i guess its in my genes. we're all just mushy mushy people. the question is, am i falling? not sure. how can i be sure? will i ever be sure? im being this confused azie again. ughh.

i used to think that i would find The One at the surau. or masjid. you know, like after solat- me with my telekung and him with his white kepiah. stealing looks at each other shy shyly. until one day we meet at the college and somehow he ends up being a friend of a friend thus enabling him to get my number. then as i get to know him, i find out that he's a good writer. secretly he has written me a poem. especially for me. in that poem, he says his undying love for me is based on his love to Allah. oh and i forgot. he's a senior. about 3 years older. that means he graduates earlier than me. i am in my last year in tesl. he now has a great job (and a nice salary). he proposes on this one beautiful night with a sentence that melts my insides. we tie the knot and live happilly ever after. oh, you wish azie. :(

i know what i want. and i dont think im that choosy. physical is not an issue. except that he has to be atleast 1 inch taller than me. its the beauty in the inside thats important. yes, beauty. a guy is beautiful when he cares more for others rather than himself. a guy is beautiful when he smiles and listens rather than talk, nag and complain. a guy is beautiful when he can differentiate what is right and what is wrong and not be afraid to remind me if im wrong and to appreciate me when im right. a guy is beautiful when he has confidence. a guy is beautiful when he can appreciate those who i care. a guy is beautiful when he can cook! ;p a guy is beautiful when he is real and not pretend to be someone that he is not. a guy is beautiful when he makes me feel beautiful. tall, dark and handsome are bonuses. i wouldnt look for a guy that only has those criterias. for a crush, maybe. for a serious relationship. naaah.

but am i searching for The One? searching? hmmm. waiting? yes. i have this very conventional idea of falling. and i do mean VERY. i believe that a girl should never chase a guy. no matter how perfect he is. the first move should always be from the guy. maybe the girl can show some signs of interest but never make it obvious. i believe in fate. as in jodoh dah ditetapkan dari mula-mula dihembuskan roh. so if we're meant to be, then we're meant to be. why bother so much now when i know that when the time comes, everything will eventually develop. im a hopeless romantic 20 year old who has never had a boyfriend due to the fact of wanting to make the right choice as i want my first boyfriend to be the last or in other words my boyfriend has to be my husband. meaning there is no trial and error. he has to be The One. thats why when the guy pops the question, i back off. because im scared. i think too much. but then, theres this thing that bothers me. if i dont give it a try, how will i ever know that he's The One or The None? i will go on with my life wondering what would happen if i chose this instead of that. oh God, im such a coward.

again, im uncertain. im scared that i'll mess up. HELP! :S

10 comments:

  1. u know.THE ONE sounds soo very perfect.uuu.had those thots in mind too,but instead not in suraulahh.mine is more like kearah-keinsafan-lepas-buat-dosa-punya-place.haha.nolahh.seriously thot u already have a bf.but i'm really buying it on what i've just read =) c,i have 2 bros who are freakingly single till this moment.my 4th bro was engaged last year but they broke up cuz well...it just dint work out.that chick was his 1st girl(yeah,he never did have any gfs even in his teen years,he's 27 now)that made me thinkin what went wrong.my bro was cool,little flaws here n there but i believe imperfection made him just as perfect.back to the stereotypical "ada hikmah di sebalik all the shit"i believe that we can only dream n plan but what lies ahead of us is sumthing that we're able to bare regardless how shitty it can be.org baik utk org baik.so azie dun wurry lah dear.tak salah if a girl make a 1st move pun(to me)cuz we learn to know what we really want.chenta agung itu chenta kpd ALLAH maka if kita chenta THE ONE is for us to lebih chenta kpd ALLAH.think about it.
    love~

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  2. erm....
    beautiful guy sounds so gay...
    no offence...
    hehehe...

    my ustaz for islamic studies once said,

    "3 things that are certain in life:

    1) taxes (ok, i can't remember this one so i made it up)

    2) jodoh

    3) death"

    follow ur instinct...if ur heart's telling u he's the bomb (eh, the one) then pray lar Allah open his heart for u...

    huhuhu...

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  3. "chenta agung itu chenta kpd ALLAH maka if kita chenta THE ONE is for us to lebih chenta kpd ALLAH."
    herne, that is so true. but its hard to find those guys that can make us love them for Allah. who can really guide us. i know that he is out there. but he hasnt found me yet. ;p
    and yea, theres nothing wrong of meeting The One at rehab or sumthing. atleast he's changed. guys at the surau are not all good anyways, kan?
    (and about ur bro, ur not trying to gimme the idea of making me ur sis inlaw are u? is he kind and well, tall? HAHA)



    and safwan, beautiful guys are not gay! HAHA. what i mean is beauty in the inside. gays are a big NO NO for me.
    and the no. 1 is where we will be buried. meaning our kubur. (if im not mistaken. but hey, taxes is "close".)

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  4. ~so,let's wait azie!!:p
    ~its so s0 true that they've not found us yeT~
    do u belive in fairy tales?i d0.
    if yes, then, u n me are the waiTing snow whites~
    LaLaLaLa..:p

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  5. kak amal, i live my life hoping that it'll end up being a fairy tale. hehe. fairy tales can happen.
    but nooo, ur the sweet, pretty, fair snow white. me? im happy being the abnormal dawrf. ;p

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  6. hahaha~
    it ought to be a fairy taLe~:p
    nope~
    we aRe d snow whites~
    wait~
    i'll b d snow white,ull b the beauty waiting for d beast~
    okay??
    n he's soo000 near to u~:p
    n00o worrY dear~

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  7. 2st paragraph - azie??? found it ?? yess! haha
    3rd paragraph - laaaaaaa...~~ saspen gilak
    4th till end paragraph - azie is just like my other half..

    u know what azie ? im just like in your shoes once upon a time..
    but then when i entered another new phase...
    yaAllah bestnya zaman dulu.. waiting waiting and waiting.terseksa but best.

    i think i want to copycat this blog and published in mine. can i ??? hahaha can la azie...
    ish geram nya azie !!! sbb blog hg yg ni sgt2 la best.it says everything what i want to said before

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  8. haha another comment.because actually there so so so much to comment about.an attractive issue.currently.hoho

    emmm..what i wanna say here is...when your heart gives a signal you should give a try,then you know the real thing.you get the experience.tp mcm aku..bl dah ada experience rasa cam nak kata.."better not to have the experience at all ! " hahah manusia x pernah betol n puas..

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  9. wanita ibarat epal. epal yg x berkualiti amat mudah diperolehi kerana ia berguguran di tanah. tp epal yang x mampu dibeli ada di puncak. susah dipetik susah digapai. terkadang epal itu risau. "kenapala diriku belum dipetik?" Lantas ia merendahkan martabatnya dan mengugurkan diri menyembah tanah. Sedangkan ia sebenarnya telah Allah jadikan begitu tinggi martabatnya sehingga x ada sapa yg berani memetiknya. Hanya pemuda yg benar2 hebat sahaja yang mampu. yg paling penting biarlah cinta Ilahi mengiringi.... see? Allah is protecting u.

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  10. laili,
    tq for all ur honest comments n feel free to copy anytg from my blog. for u, nothing is copyrighted. but for u only. ;)

    yupp, sumtimes experience teach us stuff n in that learning process we get hurt. but whether the experience of hurt or happiness is worth it, it all depends on the lesson learnt. :)

    alhamdulillah :)

    ReplyDelete