while reading Aku Terima Nikahnya by Hasrizal Abdul Jalil, i was already excited to do my review of it. the book was highly recommended by Kak Amal, my housemate. approaching the big 20,me and my housemates have had the same main subject of conversation for quite some time. ;)
Aku Terima Nikahnya is the writings of a fiance turned husband turned father. he writes about his journey in being this one person that holds the responsibilities of 3 individuals. make that 4(include the responsibility as a son). his story touches people like me because his stories are real.
"pelikkah cinta tanpa berkenalan, keluar makan-makan, berbalas emel dan SMS?"
those are the words on the cover. how can i not be tempted to read the book? ;)
the author shares his experiences of agreeing to tie the knot with a woman that he has never even met. they agree to accept each other after being suggested by people who really know each of them and know that they would suit each other perfectly. no dinner, no movies, no strolling at the park. yet, they are convinced than ever that they would be soul mates. how come? hmmm, must be the power of Solat Istikharah.
the book would be just a normal novel without all the advices based on Hadiths and Al Quran found a lot throughout his narration. he talks about premarriage relationship, about being a husband and wife, about being a father and mother and about the responsibility as a son to an aging mother.
"in marriage, dont be too fussy and choose only whats perfect. if we want everything to be perfect, and when we make a decision to accept someone, we would think of her as perfect. if a marriage is built on that belief, we wouldnt expect any imperfection. so after getting married, the only thing that we'll see is our wive's flaws, because earlier, we only expected perfection. accept her as she is. her qualities are appereciated, her flaws are accepted."
it doesnt sound as nice as in BM. so im going to include the original words;
"dalam hal berumah tangga, janganlah terlalu memilih dan hanya mencari yang paling sempurna. jika kita mahu yang paling sempurna, maka nanti apabila kita membuat keputusan untuk menerima seseorang, kita menganggapnya sebagai seorang yang sempurna. jika rumah tangga kita dibina atas fikiran itu, kita tidak expect sebarang kekurangan. maka selepas berumah tangga, hanya kekurangan isteri sahajalah yang sering terlihat di mata, kerana kita menjangkakan kesempurnaan. terimalah seseorang seadanya. kebaikannya disyukuri, kekurangannya diredhai,"
when i first heard the song Sempurna by Andra and The Backbone, i was saying, "this is not right. noone is sempurna." well those are the words of me, someone that is currently not head over heels for somebody. but for someone that is deeply inlove, the magic of love will make them appreciate that person's qualities and accept his/her flaws. when someone is able to do that, he/she will see that person as sempurna. but to her and her eyes only. :)
one of his many advice that opened my eyes is this one, "we dont have to begin a relationship if in that near future, there is no possibility that that relationship will be upgraded to marriage. dont get involved in lovey dovey stuffs in matriculation if we are well aware that our parents will not agree on our marriage, except after finishing our studies. commitments that are build playfully as in will not lead to marriage will always end because of an emotion that is called BOREDOM."
i soo agree on that. i mean, if you're studying in the same university as your bf/gf. or worse, the same fac and same class. you'll meet him/her everyday. after class, you'll have lunch together. and then, there would be assignments or study groups (of course both of you would be in the same group) that require you to do discussions together. and at night, until the minute you fall asleep, you'll SMS or talk to each other on the phone talking about what you two did that day. so when will you have that apart time that will make you miss each other badly that it makes you wanna cry? and dont even start to wonder why do you suddenly have to fake this excitement of meeting the same person everyday after several years together. and this is just for the coupling stage yee. belum kawen lagi. so maybe it is actually a good idea to start being an item a year before marriage. and it has to be under control. the loosing control is only and only after marriage.
i love the book because it makes me realize how a person can be as valuable as a diamond or as filthy as dirt by just expressing this innocent thing called love. its not wrong to love and be loved. in fact, Rasulullah SAW once said, "tidak beriman seseorang selagi dia tidak saling mengasihi," tidak beriman. not loving can make somone imanless. thats how important love is. but everything that we do have to be based on syariat. everything becomes hard because we have this faithful persuader beside us called Iblis. so thats why we have to build our iman and be strong so that resisting to agreeing to all his stupid advices would finally be easy. and thus expressing love would be something eternally beautiful and meaningful rather than something that would bring temporary satisfaction and end as a disaster.
i love everything that Ustaz Hasrizal wrote in his book. i find it all useful. especially for men that will someday become husbands and fathers. i love this;
"betulkan pandangan terhadap isteri. jangan pandang isteri dengan pandangan mata yang kering, atau pandangan akal yang gersang, jauh sekali pandangan nafsu yang melulu. pandanglah isteri dengan pandangan hati, kerana hati itulah yang memberi makna kepada pasangan hidup kita. walaupun sudah dimamah usia, dialah separuh hidup kita. separuh yang manis, kata pepatah Arab. adanya isteri dan suami, sempurnalah sifat seorang insan. bayangkan sahaja Adam di syurga, segala -galanya sudah sempurna. tetapi tetap terasa kurang kerana dirinya tiada pasangan. hargailah kasih sayang suami dan isteri, pandanglah dengan pandangan hati, kerana ia pandangan hakiki."
comel kan? :) remaining romantic after 50years of marriage. not impossible if we look at our partner with our hearts.
living in this information age, receiving and delivering knowledge is just a click away. its just the matter of us wanting it or not. we are blessed with the ability to reach any book or reading source about practically anything that we want to read. reading books like Aku Terima Nikahnya gives me some ideas of how i could be a good wife and mother when i do reach that stage one day. and pssst, guess what? i cant wait! :p
so please read the book. "Aku Terima Nikahnya". so that when the day actually comes when you have to say those exact words, you'll say them with a preparation and understanding of your new duty as a devoted husband or wife.
*all the advice and words of wisdom here are a kena-pada-batang-hidung-sendiri for the author(me).:p save me Ya ALLAH.
and oh yeaa, our streamyx finally dah ok. yeay!! susah2 je abang TM datang banyak kali. :p