Monday, February 4, 2008

Options

there are some things that i will just never be sure of. not sure if i want to know the truth behind everything. sometimes its just better to be in the state of not knowing. but there are some things that im just dying to know but i end up not knowing because i pretend too hard that i dont care. but there are also some things that are just not worth knowing. things that seem to be important but actually are not.



i wish i could just write everything here. make everything public. let everyone know what i think. what i feel. what i want to do. but life is not that easy. people just have to be protective sometimes. and not be too obvious. but maybe im just thinking too much again. critical. ive been getting that alot these days. people have been saying im critical. am i really that critical? well yea, i like to think about stuff. stuff that bother me. and stuff that may have hurt other people. but who doesnt kan? maybe i think about it more la kut. its just who i am. i like to think over the things that i said that may have effect other people negatively and i like to think hard about the consequences of my actions. if i do this, what would happen? and what would happen if i did this instead of that. you know, thinking about the possibilities. yeaa, i guess thats it. i like to think about the possibilities that i have in making choices. i like to be able to know all the options that i have in making decisions so that i can compare and choose the best ones. but do i always make the right desicions? well not really. sometimes i dont choose at all.(haha. coward.) and i dont really like to fill myself with misery for making the wrong decisions. but i do feel bad sometimes. it doesnt last very long though. i learn from mistakes but i dont dwell on them. so maybe critical is not the word. sensitive. thats more like it. :)



yeaa, its just easier that way kan? to not make any decisions. let things happen naturally. naturally as in let Allah show me the way. 'dengan izin Allah'. what does it actually means? the phrase that we always use. i think it means to let things happen if Allah lets it happen but it doesnt mean that we should make zero effort in trying to do it. 'insyaAllah' is doing something with the permission of Allah plus our effort. but we all know that if Allah says no, then its a no. and its the same the other way around. so instead of guessing which of my options is a 'yes' or a 'no', i  choose to say insyaAllah. not as an excuse. but as letting some things happen naturally. if its meant to happen, then it'll happen. sometimes i dont know whats best for me. but Allah does.



a lot of things has happened in this past month. a lot of sweet ones. i tell mama everything and she said the same thing happened to her when she was my age. its all part of growing up. i know that she trusts me. thats why i can tell her anything and everything. God, i love her. 



studies have been okay i guess. ive changed my learning style this sem. its all part of the 'azam baru'. been avoiding procastinating assignments and have been making sure that my lecturers recognize my face. been sitting in the front row and have been giving active responses. yupp. me in the front row. haha. how ive changed.



well, life is all about changing, isnt it? NOT! haha. taraa~ ;p

Sunday, February 3, 2008

January

it has been awhile hasnt it? much has happened. good and bad. good more than bad. which is a relief. my housemates are just great. i love all of them. i couldnt think of better housemates than them. and for that, im grateful.



classes have been fine. was kinda annoyed with some things at the beginning but now everythings going pretty ok. i've made some new friends this sem. and i miss my friends from last sem that used to be my classmates. (so what im trying to say is i miss my ex-classmates laa. lol).



you know what, there's just so much things that i wanna write. too much that its hard to remember all of them. so let me just load up some photos of this past weeks for you to see. enjoy! :)



Image033 Image049



Image055 Image063 Image935_1



Dsc00268 Image048 Image053





Description:



1) Mus came back from Indonesia. we went to klcc and the next day me and so sent mus to the airport. short but sweet date with my darlings.



2) my cute housemates, Kak Tehah and Kak Dib. we had a biiiiiig dinner at santai.



3) me and so at 1 utama sports center. my first time playing futsal! its held weekly and organized by our school's alumni, ASPUTRA.



4) candid shot by syiqin of me being nerdy as always.



5) our little Asputra reunion at pakli kopitiam. there was aimie, alyaa, zud, wanie r, endy, akmal, izham, iqbal and aizat.



6) i was half awake and syiqin was messaging during the ceramah for this sem's modul. 10mins later, i dozed off.



7) my study table! bought it at giant for 59.90. cheap huh? built it myself too! with the help of diana and syiqin ofcourse.



8) dinner with my buddies at pizza. firadaus belanja RM3 each. haha.





a lot of other interesting things happened in january. i'll tell you when i see you. ;)