Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Jasa Abang TM.

while reading Aku Terima Nikahnya by Hasrizal Abdul Jalil, i was already excited to do my review of it. the book was highly recommended by Kak Amal, my housemate. approaching the big 20,me and my housemates have had the same main subject of conversation for quite some time. ;)

Aku Terima Nikahnya is the writings of a fiance turned husband turned father. he writes about his journey in being this one person that holds the responsibilities of 3 individuals. make that 4(include the responsibility as a son). his story touches people like me because his stories are real.

"pelikkah cinta tanpa berkenalan, keluar makan-makan, berbalas emel dan SMS?"

those are the words on the cover. how can i not be tempted to read the book? ;)

the author shares his experiences of agreeing to tie the knot with a woman that he has never even met. they agree to accept each other after being suggested by people who really know each of them and know that they would suit each other perfectly. no dinner, no movies, no strolling at the park. yet, they are convinced than ever that they would be soul mates. how come? hmmm, must be the power of Solat Istikharah.

the book would be just a normal novel without all the advices based on Hadiths and Al Quran found a lot throughout his narration. he talks about premarriage relationship, about being a husband and wife, about being a father and mother and about the responsibility as a son to an aging mother.

"in marriage, dont be too fussy and choose only whats perfect. if we want everything to be perfect, and when we make a decision to accept someone, we would think of her as perfect. if a marriage is built on that belief, we wouldnt expect any imperfection. so after getting married, the only thing that we'll see is our wive's flaws, because earlier, we only expected perfection. accept her as she is. her qualities are appereciated, her flaws are accepted."

it doesnt sound as nice as in BM. so im going to include the original words;

"dalam hal berumah tangga, janganlah terlalu memilih dan hanya mencari yang paling sempurna. jika kita mahu yang paling sempurna, maka nanti apabila kita membuat keputusan untuk menerima seseorang, kita menganggapnya sebagai seorang yang sempurna. jika rumah tangga kita dibina atas fikiran itu, kita tidak expect sebarang kekurangan. maka selepas berumah tangga, hanya kekurangan isteri sahajalah yang sering terlihat di mata, kerana kita menjangkakan kesempurnaan. terimalah seseorang seadanya. kebaikannya disyukuri, kekurangannya diredhai,"

when i first heard the song Sempurna by Andra and The Backbone, i was saying, "this is not right. noone is sempurna." well those are the words of me, someone that is currently not head over heels for somebody. but for someone that is deeply inlove, the magic of love will make them appreciate that person's qualities and accept his/her flaws. when someone is able to do that, he/she will see that person as sempurna. but to her and her eyes only. :)

one of his many advice that opened my eyes is this one, "we dont have to begin a relationship if in that near future, there is no possibility that that relationship will be upgraded to marriage. dont get involved in lovey dovey stuffs in matriculation if we are well aware that our parents will not agree on our marriage, except after finishing our studies. commitments that are build playfully as in will not lead to marriage will always end because of an emotion that is called BOREDOM."

i soo agree on that. i mean, if you're studying in the same university as your bf/gf. or worse, the same fac and same class. you'll meet him/her everyday. after class, you'll have lunch together. and then, there would be assignments or study groups (of course both of you would be in the same group) that require you to do discussions together. and at night, until the minute you fall asleep, you'll SMS or talk to each other on the phone talking about what you two did that day. so when will you have that apart time that will make you miss each other badly that it makes you wanna cry? and dont even start to wonder why do you suddenly have to fake this excitement of meeting the same person everyday after several years together. and this is just for the coupling stage yee. belum kawen lagi. so maybe it is actually a good idea to start being an item a year before marriage. and it has to be under control. the loosing control is only and only after marriage.

i love the book because it makes me realize how a person can be as valuable as a diamond or as filthy as dirt by just expressing this innocent thing called love. its not wrong to love and be loved. in fact, Rasulullah SAW once said, "tidak beriman seseorang selagi dia tidak saling mengasihi," tidak beriman. not loving can make somone imanless. thats how important love is. but everything that we do have to be based on syariat. everything becomes hard because we have this faithful persuader beside us called Iblis. so thats why we have to build our iman and be strong so that resisting to agreeing to all his stupid advices would finally be easy. and thus expressing love would be something eternally beautiful and meaningful rather than something that would bring temporary satisfaction and end as a disaster.

i love everything that Ustaz Hasrizal wrote in his book. i find it all useful. especially for men that will someday become husbands and fathers. i love this;

"betulkan pandangan terhadap isteri. jangan pandang isteri dengan pandangan mata yang kering, atau pandangan akal yang gersang, jauh sekali pandangan nafsu yang melulu. pandanglah isteri dengan pandangan hati, kerana hati itulah yang memberi makna kepada pasangan hidup kita. walaupun sudah dimamah usia, dialah separuh hidup kita. separuh yang manis, kata pepatah Arab. adanya isteri dan suami, sempurnalah sifat seorang insan. bayangkan sahaja Adam di syurga, segala -galanya sudah sempurna. tetapi tetap terasa kurang kerana dirinya tiada pasangan. hargailah kasih sayang suami dan isteri, pandanglah dengan pandangan hati, kerana ia pandangan hakiki."

comel kan? :) remaining romantic after 50years of marriage. not impossible if we look at our partner with our hearts.

living in this information age, receiving and delivering knowledge is just a click away. its just the matter of us wanting it or not. we are blessed with the ability to reach any book or reading source about practically anything that we want to read. reading books like Aku Terima Nikahnya gives me some ideas of how i could be a good wife and mother when i do reach that stage one day. and pssst, guess what? i cant wait! :p

so please read the book. "Aku Terima Nikahnya". so that when the day actually comes when you have to say those exact words, you'll say them with a preparation and understanding of your new duty as a devoted husband or wife.

*all the advice and words of wisdom here are a kena-pada-batang-hidung-sendiri for the author(me).:p save me Ya ALLAH.

and oh yeaa, our streamyx finally dah ok. yeay!! susah2 je abang TM datang banyak kali. :p

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

At least I Have You

i have this problem. and its getting serious. no kidding.
when things go wrong and that person seems like i no longer have any sense of significance to him/her, and thus somehow manages to vanish me from his/her life which explains why him/her treats me like an invisible being, i'd do this stupidest thing. at first i'd go with the flow too. i'd play the blissful game of ignorance. retreating to the stage where we were strangers all over again. as if we never ever shared the simple relationship named friendship. oh yes, im talking about friendship here.

i'd be okay for awhile. like a month or so. and then there would be like this back-to-back scene playing in my mind. example: whenever i listen to that song i'd have this image of us singing to it and then laughing at our different versions of lyrics. or when i see that car, i remember you offering to pick me up or give me a ride when i really needed it. or when i see someone who has the tiniest similarity with you, i'd be looking at him/her twice. just to make sure that he/she's not you. oh but what makes things tougher for me is, its only the nice, sweet and happy things that keep replaying. the mean, selfish and irrational things i still remember but they're blurry and doesnt affect me as much. unfair.

and when the images of kindness reappears, i'd experience this feeling of guilt plus kerinduan. so i'd be finding excuses to make things okay again. which makes me wonder, why did all this happen in the first place?? we started as friends. im pretty sure that we both agreed on that. i mean, there wasnt any plan to change friendship into something else. atleast i made that clear at the early stage. because i worried that if i didnt, someone would get hurt. in fact, i think that was my exact sentence to you, wasnt it?

then, as the getting-to-know-you stage passed, and things went pretty good, the plan kinda changed. fast forward. we agreed and disagreed on several things. fast forward again. we found out that things werent going so well after all. and suddenly, i become an irritation. somebody that was ignored when seen "azie is online". or when i call or send SMSs. to tell you the truth, i dont understand why it has to be this way. if i knew that starting this relationship earlier would make us become strangers all over again now, i would have never even agreed to be friends with you. you know, friends dont back off on each other. boyfriends and girlfriends do when things dont go their way. because they had something very special that if they still keep in contact, it would hurt them. but friends, they fight and they make up. they dont turn into strangers. in fact, even certain exs still remain friends after having a bad break up. so why, im asking WHY would you have to back off completely now? honestly, i bug you that much??

and then there's this other situation. you come to me. after all this time. bringing me that feeling again. saying those words again. but in an improved version. a more mature one to be exact. and me thinking that im the Strong Azie. thinking i can handle this. its not going to happen like it did before. this time, its different. this time, its the truth. this time, im not being played. this time, i want to believe. and then, just as i fear. this time, its the same. this time, its a lie. this time, im the game. but again, this time, i believed.
im dissapponted in me more than you.

harsh world, huh? so what should i do? force myself to remember all the bad memories and shove away the nice ones? and have a very, very, very strong reminder of  how bad it hurts to get hurt? it sounds so much easier than it is.

but you know what, this is what happens to people that think too much about world matters. i know that there should be a balance. actually the balance means that the life hereafter should be the main concern. but whats happening to me now is the other way around. can i just blame the hormones? oh Iblis, i hate you.
forgive me, Ya ALLAH. :(

but you.. thanks for making me smile at the end of the day. :)

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Tick Tock Tick Tock

its been a few days hasnt it?

first, because i havent much things to write.

second, i kinda like lost the mood to write because my laptop was stolen last week.

third, well busy i guess.

forth, someone has been using my friendster and ym. i know. stupid rite? and i also have a problem with my ym which answers the question why i havent been online for awhile.

about my laptop being stolen, if you guys have read my post titled Alternative, then you guys would know the story about the drug addict. well he's the one who broke into our house last week. yeah i know, we should have never treated him so nicely. the next time we see him, we're gonna cut his arm. yupp. we even have an axe readied for him. and ropes too. to tie him after we cut his arm. or maybe before we cut his arm. so that he wouldnt move. then we'll call the police.

i cant believe that the hols is almost ending. i have less than a week. oh i feel like crying. i know that it gets really boring sometimes. all i do is surf and watch tv. but its home. and whatever i do at home feels all homey. meaning no worries, no fuss, no stress. so no matter how bored i get,  i still feel at home. and there's my mom that at times i talk nonstop with or not talk at all. and my room where i can make it squeeky clean or horribly messy. i dont wanna leave home. :(

guess what? i havent even bought the ticket to shah alam. and people have been buying it since last month. please let there be a ticket for me ya ALLAH. i need to go back. i cant be absent on my first day of school. although it would be cool. to let people wonder whether ive quit or something. (ok, maybe im not that desperate for attention yet.)

we're entering sem 3, huh? how time flies. cant believe i'll be 20 this year. no more "1" infront. no more "teen" at the end. and im still single. HAHA. where did that come from? oh maybe it was from herne's emphasis about it at her post. that girl is hilarious. but honestly, she always makes me nervous because i dont know what'll come out from her mouth. because she says the darnest things. which would make us(me, syiqin and diana) laugh at first. and then we're like, "wait, was that a joke or was she serious?"  HAHA. but her idea about the award thingy is brilliant. why didnt i think of that? so i take this opportunity to thank you, herne. im flattered for encouraging you to blog because like i said it would be interesting to read your writings. and they do end up very interesting indeed. and well.. im flattered about the other thing too. :p

i got another news today. most of our tesl friends who got the KPM interview managed to get the scholarship. among them that i remember are; syamil, fahim, izni, rayner. congratulations you guys! and oh, im with them. but i cant say im extremely happy. grateful, yes. but imactually really surprised. i thought i sucked badly at the interview. i even forgot the word balanced in BM. so getting this offer kinda like make things harder. the thing is, i just applied for the scholarship to give it a shot and also because all my friends applied. i actually have this ambition to apply the Young Lecturer Scheme and continue my masters right away after graduating. and be a lecturer. so if i accept this scholarship, i'll be bonded with the kementerian to be a teacher for 5 years. Teacher Azie. it doesnt sound too bad, right? and i'll get money! yeeehaa! but what about my perfect plan? oooh, im so bad in making decisions. again, im pleading for His help. but my dad says go with it. ALLAH has made me pass all the stages so far so maybe He's actually telling me that im meant to be Teacher Azie first. then maybe i can continue with my plan of being Madam Azie (insya Allah dah madam waktu tu :p) afterwards.

but what do you guys think? do i look like a Teacher Azie or Ms/Madam Azie?