Friday, May 15, 2009

I don't like yellow

Having fried bananas or what the Kedahans call, gorpis for 3 days has actually taken its toll on me. I didn’t know that bananas could actually cause this harm. My hips hurt all the way to my spine. I move like a 70 year old right now. Well not really. But when I get up from sitting on the floor, that’s when I really feel like I really need to go to the spa. To have a good massage and a pampering session. Mama wouldn’t allow me. She says I’m too young for all that. But Ma, don’t you think I’m too young for having back pains either? Guess we young people nowadays are made more fragile. Uhuh.

Anyway, something occurred to me as I was grocery shopping today. It has been more than three times that a lady, an elderly one usually, asks me to take something from the top shelf because they are not able to reach it. I don’t mind at all doing it. In fact, I was glad I could help. What I am concern is, shouldn’t there be alternatives for putting things that tall? I mean, that tall for petite people. My mom herself, always need assistance. But what if her children weren’t there? Ask for strangers help too, I guess. This is not really a big deal. I was just thinking about this because I kept wondering to myself, what if I had no children? I knowww, how could that little incident led me to think of that. I don’t know. It just did. And I get worried. Ya Allah, give me babies. Lots of them too. So that they could accompany me shop. And take things for me that are too high for me to reach. Or if I just get plain lazy. Amin.

I’ve been searching at bookstores for Amy Tan’s Joy Luck Club that we’re going to learn for next semester but they’ve been out of stock. I wonder why the novels that we need to study are just mostly unavailable. I’m going to try to find them at the second hand book shop. I bet there’s one there. No, I don’t do this every semester. Searching something in advance is actually a new thing for me. Trying to change for the better here. Wish me luck okay? Which makes me remember, my dad keeps saying that I should get a PhD one day. “Dr Azie,” he keeps saying in that dreamy tone. I used to say confidently, “InsyaAllah, Pa,” But now.. I’m just not sure anymore. Each time he says that I just nod and try to change the topic. Why? Because studying is not that easy anymore. Not that it has ever been easy for me. But still, I don’t know.. I guess its about growing up and handling everything at one time. And I bet ‘everything’ right now is nothing compared to the ‘everything’ that I need to deal with in the future. Being a working wife and mother and all. With the contract that I have with BPG, I’m starting to wonder if I’ll be able to even do my masters. Its easy to plan everything kan? But to really strive for it with all the challenges along the way will really make you think will everything be worthwhile.

I’m not trying to raise the white flag even before entering the battling field here, but I’m just thinking. Something that I do a lot lately. Looking at today’s world, I get upset with the state of children being abandoned and being treated second important because of jobs and titles. I mean, is life really about that? Working moms come home late in the evening, being tired and stressed out from work, spending such little time with their children, letting the maids know every little detail about their children much more than them. And when the children put on a tantrum just to gain their mommy’s attention, they get snapped at. I’m not going to go on about the fathers because we very well know that fathers have the responsibility to find money. But the mommies main responsibility is at home taking care of their children. To really educate them to be good people. To be good Muslims and Muslimahs. To be there when they need them. At least that’s what I want my kids to have. A mommy that becomes the first person to teach their kids about life. I want my kids to learn more from me than their teachers or any other people on the earth. I’m talking about being a mommy again. Why do I keep doing that? Ok, moving on.

Jon from Jon and Kate Plus 8 is having an affair with a teacher. And Kate who at first didn’t believe the stories have started to do the opposite and being her, she is angry. Her brother in law ( I think) said that its over between them. This is reported by E. You know what, as much as I think that Jon and Kate are made for each other, I don’t really care as much as I care what will happen to those 8 adorable kids. I have arrived to the stage that I try to follow the series every single day. Making me constantly flipping through Astro View. They are that cute. So what will happen to them if Jon and Kate split? I really really really hope that both of them could kiss and make up. For the kids at least. I really want twins. Or multiples. Ok, I should stop.

As I’m typing this my eyes are starting to grow heavy. Which is a good thing because I become so hard to sleep at night nowadays. I usually only fall asleep around 3-ish or 4-ish. A.m of course. This is not healthy. But I just don’t get sleepy. Even if I do go to bed early, I would just stare in the dark, thinking. And don’t I just think about a lot of things.

Oh since I’m thinking about this, I think I better write about it. American Idol. Danny is out?? Danny and Kris, and Danny lost? Well yes, I would melt each time Kris smiles, but I’m pretty sure that Danny has a much better voice. When I heard that he was going to sing You Are So Beautiful, I actually shrieked. It’s one of my favouritest song ever. If my husband could sing that to me, I would.. Ok, enough about husband and kids now Azie. Danny sang it so beautifully. I got all teary listening him sing that song and knowing that he must’ve sang it for his late wife. It was just so touching and beautiful. I loved it, I loved it, I loved it. But I have to admit, the Heartless version that Kris did totally made me fell in love with him too. Guess a few million of other Americans felt the same way huh. The finals would be so predictable. Adam would totally win the competition. And I’ll be able to say to Aiman, “I told you so.”

I know, this is long. Get used to it, peeps. The hols is here. :) Good night.

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