Have I told you that I have the best housemates in the whole wide world? If I haven't, I'm telling you now. I do, they're the best. But you know how our lives change and we move on to achieve a better future? Well, two of my housemates have graduated and so they're not going to live with us anymore. :( But to celebrate the good 3 years we've spent together and for their future success, I'm making this special post for them- my very own sisters; Kak Amal and Kak Dib. :)
Dear Kak Amal,
Did you know that the very first day I arrived at our house, I was dead nervous? We didn't really know what to expect. But you greeted us with the warmest smile and made us feel as if we were a family already. I've always loved talking to you. We could speak about the most random things and yet it seemed to be so interesting. You have that infectious laugh that makes other people happy just by looking at you laugh. It wouldn't hurt also that you're beautiful. I still remember you telling us that you don't plan to marry early. But hey, look what's happening now haha. I am so happy for you, Kak Amal. Being such a kind, caring and genuine person, you really do deserve the best.
Dear Kak Dib,
For some reason, whenever I say your name I keep wanting to add the 'comel' at the end. "Kak Dib Comel" hehe. Perhaps it's because you really are comel. :) I'm not going to lie, my first impression of you was that you are so garang. But very soon after, I found out that you are the most manja person ever! Thanks to you and your cute car, we've had the opportunity to explore beyond Section 17 yet always resulting us to come back and have our dinner at Candle. :P And thanks for teaching me to dab on some body lotion on breakouts because it does work for our skin type, doesn't it? Haha. Thank you for being so sweet, generous and simply adorable, Kak Dib.
I will miss both of you tremendously and the time that we had together will always be in my heart. I'll make sure my kids would grow up hearing stories about you and perhaps we could pair them up later. :P Thank you so much for being wonderful seniors and housemates. I could not wish for anyone better than you two. I wish that Allah grant you the best in the future- marriage, work, and basically life as a whole. In my heart you are not only my housemates but also my sisters. Kak Amal and Kak Dib, I love you.
I have been near-sighted ever since I was 13. The very first among my siblings to inherit the trait from my father. (Now, all three of us wear glasses. Well, actually the whole family). I think it's because I read a lot cewah. Anyway, it started with a harmless prescription of 125 where I still had the privilege to choose whether I want to wear them or not wear them. Today, about 9 years later, if I choose to not wear my glasses, all I would be able to see are splashes of colour and moving ghosts. I'm not complaining. I'm grateful that Allah still grant me eyesight and the creation of contact lens. But having said so, I kinda miss the feeling of not having to grab my glasses the minute I wake up or even being able to look myself at the mirror at a certain distance without having my glasses on. I've tried eating carrots and vitamin tablets for the eyes. Oh, and I even tried Permata Hijrah. Maybe I didn't ate them right because nothing has changed. And as for contact lens, well, I wouldn't say I'm the hugest fan. But I guess they're okay when they don't get too dried up that I feel as if they're pulling my eyes out. The one thing I love about being poor sighted is that I appreciate my eyes more than ever now; too afraid to stare too long at my lappy or read in the dark. And another thing is, my glasses actually help to cover my puffy eyes and dark circles! So yeah, not all is bad. :)
But just in case, to those out there who are going through the same road with me, if you've tried something that has improved your eyesight, do share. Oh, and please don't suggest Lasik surgery. As much as I'm wishing for it, I don't have the bucks just yet.
P/s: If you're wondering if I purposely edited the photo so that my face would somehow expand. You're wrong. It's the hols.
How I've missed writing in here. The internet has been on and off for the past several weeks but alhamdulillah today (and please for the next several years), I'm sensing it would stay good. So I'm, doing this post so that at least I wouldn't regret not doing one just in case the internet disappears again.
I know that the hols would pass by quickly, it always has. But I guess that's life. The things that you love- the moments, the people, they just kinda leave you wanting more. And being human, you just always want more. And when you've got more than you need, suddenly you just can't stop wanting more and more because you've gotten so used to it. Wow, how did I suddenly get into this.
Anyway, my hols has been fine. The regular stuffs happening everyday. But alhamdulillah, to our joy, our house has been blessed with so many guests lately. Guests bring barakah so we are really grateful. We haven't really gone on a vacation, my father being really busy by the end of the year but then again, I've always been so attached to the house and more specifically my room anyway. Been watching lots of TV. And I've kinda made up my mind that perhaps there will be no need for a TV for my own kids. Too risky. Will have to discuss this later with the boss of the house. InsyaAllah.
The Islamic Hijrah year has just started and I hope it brings more good beginnings to everyone. I've never really been the type to write a new year's resolution. But I guess this year, I'll be focusing more on performing my best in my last semester as a TESL undergraduate and hopefully graduate with a first class degree, insyaAllah. Then, well, we'll see what happens. Knowing that Allah knows best, I pray that He'll keep something special in store for me.
Will write more soon. A more meaningful post, I hope. Till then,
Salam Maal Hijrah 1432 and do enjoy the remaining days of hols. :)
My eyes are heavy, yet I'm here in front of this screen not being able to sleep. I keep thinking of the future. I keep thinking of you. As guilty as I am my heart returns to you. Shall there be a chance for me to talk to you, I'm not quite sure what would I say. I mean, what would I not say. There's so much catching up to do. So much to share. So much to laugh about. So much to cry about. Till the time comes, I'll be here. Not far. But here. Enough for me to smile and hopefully make you smile. If I come your way, it's okay if you can't say hello. In fact, it's okay if you don't even notice me. Because somewhere in the little part of your body called the heart, I know that's where I am. And though at times, I crave for more. I know, that this should be enough. For now, that is.
so you've been here all along huh? If only I knew earlier, I would write here everyday to ask you to hand in your persuasive speech! ;)
as I'm typing this right now, I still can't get myself to stop smiling. Your cute and adorable faces keep appearing in my mind and it makes me sad to know that starting tomorrow, all I have will be these images.
I was supposed to deliver a speech during the farewell party but somehow, I was lost for words. Just seeing all of you gathered there, everything excellently planned and ready was just, overwhelming. So would you forgive me for only being able to repeat a thousand 'thank yous'? I was speechless. Here, I'll make it up. This is for you guys. Imagine me giving this as a speech. :)
Since I accidentally read about your little reminder on the board regarding my farewell party, there was a big lump at my throat realizing that it's near; bidding farewell is getting near. Yet, day by day I manage to make myself enter your class with a normal smile, trying to shove away the thoughts of not being able to talk and talk and talk with you guys until suddenly the bell rings and Nazrin calls out everyone to stand and say thank you. And oh, not to forget the stretching of my name, "Thank you, Teacher Azieyatiiiiiiiiiiiii." Oh, how I'll miss that. :( You know what? I suddenly realize I havent said enough thank yous to all of you. 4 Beta, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. :)
3 months, how time flies. It's funny how I could still remember the very first day entering your class and your faces showed a kind of curiousity that made me think, "Hey, will I be okay here?" Then we started to get to know each other. On that very day, I saw your smiles. And I couldnt help it, I was hooked.
The days after were a joy. I wonder sometimes do I bring the same joy as much as you guys bring to me? I hope I did. Because no matter how exhausted I was, somehow all of you provide me the will to go on. And that, my students, makes my every effort worthwhile. :)
Although sometimes I have to admit all I want to do in your class is have fun. Listen to your jokes, laugh together and perhaps share my own lame jokes. You know, just hang around. But I remind myself, I'm the teacher and being one, I hold the responsibility to make a difference. My main aim was to make everyone love English, see it as an enjoying subject that you can explore in so many ways; games, reading, writing, spelling, interviews and my favourite, role plays. Being good in English doesn't requires you to force yourself to do something you don't like doing. There are so many ways for you to explore the language. It could be through movies, songs or even video games. Find one that you like and take advantage of it so that you can improve in a certain way that you prefer. :)
Talking about having fun, I sure had a blast during your drama presentation! As I look through the photos now, I still glow with pride. I felt like telling everyone there, "Look! Those are my students up there! My students!" You guys made me so proud. The convincing acts, the hilarious script, the colourful and creative props, the smooth flow on the stage and of course, the amazing team work that I have always admired from you, 4 Beta. Have I ever told you that you guys are the ones who inspired me to come up with the idea for the competition? And now, I'm so glad to say that I wouldnt regret any second of it. No matter what number you will get, I know that all of you deserve a great applaud. Congratulations, 4 Beta! :)
The week has ended and as much as I want my life as a student back, it's hard to leave my life as a teacher when I have students like you. I know I'm the luckiest teacher ever to be sent to your class. How innocent I was to think that you wouldnt realize the small little things that I did for you. You have shown me appreciation much more than I have ever shown you. And that has made me even sad to leave. Your cooperation in every class, your "Hi, teacher!" accompanied with a huge smile outside class, your farewell party that was just too sweet to handle, your presents- oh my, your lovely presents! I love each and every one of them. (I literally let them lay beside me as I went to sleep last night hehe. And I read your wishes in the cute pink book about 5o times before I fell asleep!) I promise you, I'll keep them till forever. Thank you for everything, 4 Beta. :)
I hope I could stay there with you and continue helping you in some way or another. There's nothing more than I want than to see my students succeed. You're entering Form 5 in a few months and that would be the year to give your all out. I was serious in wanting to know about your ambitions but perhaps you could share that with me some other time. By 16 (or 17 for Yew Kin hehe), you should know what you want in your future. You should determine what do you like doing and what are your interests so that you could create an aim. Once you know what you want to achieve, it would be easier for you to create your study path in college. Sit down one day and think about your future. What and who do you want to be. What do you want to do in life. Have an aim, my students. And try your best to achieve it. I know, I believe each and every one of you will be amazing people. Amazing people. Best of luck, 4 Beta! :)
When I'm old one day and all of you would be successful people and living a great life with your family, I hope there could be at least one thing that I said in the short period I was with you that would make you look back to your life now and realize how fortunate all of you are. I hope you could always be grateful and always stay respectful and kind. It would be hard for me to ever imagine you turning into any other people than kind ones, but still, you should always remember this. I was inspired by how close and how well you work together as classmates and friends. It shows how sharing the similarities rather than differences bring unity. You know what? As much as you say I inspire you. You guys are the ones who have inspired me. :)
4 Beta, once you let an English teacher write, she would normally face difficulty in stopping. :P Thus, I should end my 'speech' now. The truth is, there are not enough words to show my awe to you for being so appreciative, so kind, so respectful and so sweet. I will truly miss you. I'm missing you already. ;'( Thank you, thank you, thank you, my ladies and gentleman in 4 Beta! You call me teacher, but actually, you are the ones who have taught me so much. 4 Beta 2010, you will always be a part of me. I promise! :')
I sincerely believe weddings shouldn't be the time, event or place to display how wealthy you are. It should be about sharing the joy with your loved ones and celebrating the unification of you with your spouse. And because the relationship should always stay under Allah's blessings, I believe the ceremony of finally uniting you together with your soul mate should also be according to Allah's preference- which is to not burden yourself with things you can't afford to impress others. Someone asked me, "Isn't it important to be happier after the wedding ceremony than just during the ceremony?" I believe what he said is completely true.
Thus, my future husband, I want ours to be simple. As long as you're by my side. I'd be the happiest girl alive. :)
Tom goes to Uncle Bob's grocery store every weekend. His mom sends him to buy bread, flour, cooking oil, some eggs, and sometimes Tom gets to buy anything he wants for himself. As long as it doesnt costs more that RM2. He was delighted.
Uncle Bob knows Tom very well now. They greet each other and make small talk. Uncle Bob knows that Tom is a good kid. Sometimes he gives Tom special discounts and Tom would have extra money to buy something for himself. Sometimes he would get to spend RM4.50 for anything he wants. Instead of just buying one chocolate bar, he could also get a bottle of apple juice. Oh, what joy! Tom knows that Uncle Bob is a good man.
A few months has passed. Tom's mom had lost her job. They can't afford as much food like they used to. Instead of sending Tom to Uncle Bob's store every weekend, Tom's mom can only afford buying the grocery once a month. Tom craves for his visits to Uncle Bob's store. He misses the chocolate treats.
A few months has passed, Tom's mom had manage to collect some money to buy some grocery. So she sent Tom to Uncle Bob's store. But instead of the usual amount of money with the extra RM2 for Tom, Tom's mom said,
"I only have enough money for what we really need. Please spend wisely, Tom."
Tom understood what his mother meant. No more chocolate bars. So he went to Uncle Bob's store. And bought what his mom told him to buy. But when he passed at the chocolate alley, he stared at all the colourful and tempting chocolate bars. It was as if they were calling his name. His saliva dripped to the floor. He wanted one so bad. So he took one. And put it in his pocket.
When Tom went to the counter, as usual Uncle Bob greeted him, "Hey there, Tom! It's been awhile since I saw you here. How's your mom? I hope everything's well."
"We're okay. Thanks for asking, Uncle Bob." Tom was sweating. He quickly put all the items on the counter and paid. Except for the chocolate bar. It was still in his pocket.
"Alrighty Tom. You go on home now. And here, have this chocolate bar. I know how you love it." Uncle Bob smiled.
"But- but I don't have any more money, Uncle Bob." Tom didnt dare look at Uncle Bob's face.
"Nah, it's okay. Take it. You're a good boy." Uncle Bob was still holding the chocolate bar and handing it to Tom.
With tears in his eyes, Tom took it. And went home. He now had two chocolate bars. That night, he couldnt sleep. How could he? Guilt took over him. Uncle Bob has been so kind, generous and giving. And yet, here he was, stealing from him. That night, Tom cried to sleep.
So what's up with the story? Just felt like writing one, I guess.
Like Tom with Uncle Bob, when Allah has been so kind and given so much, how could we still dare to sin?
At least Tom felt guilty and perhaps would return the chocolate bar as soon as he woke up the next morning.
But do we really repent on our mistakes or do we act like everything's okay? How could anyone, anyone breathe in the air that Allah has provided and not feel the slightest guilt for doing things that Allah has warned not to do. I bet Tom would feel awfully ashamed of himself. He couldnt even look Uncle Bob in the eyes. I bet Tom would say sorry and Uncle Bob would forgive him. Because Uncle Bob knows that Tom is a good boy.
And because Allah is most forgiving, He would forgive too. But only when we ask for it. But do we really, really ask for it? It's now the month of endless rewards, of forgiveness and freedom from nar. Let's try our best, shall we? Because Allah has given so much; health, enough food on the table, great family and friends. So why not we do our part? Be grateful by following His commands. Live life with no burden of guilt. Be happy because Allah is happy. It's never too late. Let's start now. InsyaAllah. :)
Still feel should make every lesson interesting. For the sake of students.
They know what WWF is. (No, it's not World Wrestling Federation) Impressive right?
SPCA too! I had to google to find what it stands for.
Our not-so-little project has been approved by Puan Pengetua. Yeay! Can't wait!
Find myself stealing glances at them when they don't notice. To capture the memories in my heart.
Keep wondering what would they look like when they grow up.
Bet my Form 1 students would grow up tall. I'd be the one who would have to look up to them hehe.
My Form 4 students would grow up being very lovely, nicely-mannered ladies and handsome gentlemen.
I know they'll be amazing people.
Feel guilty. Shouldnt be this attached.
Can't help it. They're too sweet.
I pretend like I'm not sad to leave them. They somehow found out that I'm leaving soon. I wonder how. Oh! And they found my Facebook too.I'll approve after I leave. Not now. Not yet. :( I have less than 10 days (minus the hols) with them. I'm going to appreciate every moment.
I think someday they'll find my blog too. Students, if you're reading this. You actually just had a peak at my heart. Hope it doesn't shows too much at class. I try to be professional. You guys make it hard though, being too kind and sweet. Hope we'll keep in touch once I'm no longer there. Once I'm no longer there. aaaa sedihnyaaaaaa :(
You are my; ______________ (I can fill up a gazillion things here and it'd still not be enough to describe my gratitude to you.)
But I thank Allah the most for your prayers. Because I know I'm always in it. And that- that just makes me stronger than ever.
I can't read the future. So can't you. But however it'll be, I pray that you'll be there. And I'd still be in it. Your prayers, I mean. At least 5 times daily. Like how you're doing it now. The only difference would be, well, my name.
I remember the shoutings of "TEACHER!" accompanied with a huge grin across the corridor.
I remember the wide eyes full of excitement.
I remember the gaping of awe.
I remember the shy "thank yous" as a result of never being acknowledged.
I remember the pink blush when been given a loud applause.
..and the pain of dealing with very (and I do mean very) unpleasant mannered children during Relief classes start to fade away.
I sympathize, I empathize. Little innocent children like that should not own that much hate. Should not own that much rebel. Where do all the anger come from? I want to help. But they don't let me in. Little, little innocent souls. Why? Why are they like this? Little innocent souls shouldn't be like this. They should embrace life. Be happy, have fun, smile, laugh. Not fight, argue, smash things in front of my face to show how much hatred they have for teachers like me. Teachers who want to help. Why? Little innocent children, you're going to be the future generation. The leaders of my children. Why? ;(
Am trying to stay positive. Hope you guys are too. :)
You know how they say, "I'm a _________(any body part that you love most) person"? It's like when they look at someone, it's that one part that attracts them the most.
Well, I think I'm a smile person. I love looking at people smile. I love the transformation of the mouth- the widening of the lips and the appearance of the teeth. It's like there's this infective feeling of fulfillment, of contempt that makes me bedazzled. And I mean that literally. Sometimes when someone smiles so perfectly it just makes me stop thinking for awhile. I'd just look at that smile and not breathe. How does that happen actually? Beats me. Around me there's so much perfect smiles that reminds me that life is just too beautiful to be given a frown in return.
But I forget to smile sometimes, when I feel like I just want to mind my own business and not have to bump into anyone, I imagine being the only human being alive and everyone else is just invisible. Just me. So no need to smile. But life's not like that. I'm not alone. And I'll never be alone.
A perfect smile for me is all about its imperfection. It kinda reminds me that hey, (s)he's just human. I love how someone could smile so wholeheartedly and so sincerely that you could almost see how his/her heart is screaming, "You make me happy."
And to top all this, to just realize, how beautiful Islam is, that giving a smile is considered as charity. Oh, how I love Islam.
Tahukah anda, beberapa minggu lepas saya dengan agak random, telah melawat beberapa photoblog. Kebanyakannya tentang perkahwinan. (Saja suka-suka. Untuk mengkaji teknik-teknik mengambil foto. Jangan buat konklusi ya). Dan beberapa gambar telah menarik perhatian saya dan disimpan dalam hard disk otak saya. Beberapa hari selepasnya, saya, Diana, dan Syiqin telah pergi ke Port Dickson. Dan alangkah terkejutnya saya apabila dalam tempoh 'percutian' itu saya terserempak dengan dua pasangan yang saya telah lihat dengan jelasnya dalam gambar-gambar kahwin tersebut, pada tempat dan masa berbeza. Mereka ini saya cam sangat kerana salah satu pasangan tersebut, suaminya berbangsa Cina manakala isterinya Melayu. Pasangan satu lagi pula kerana, isterinya berpakaian sangat simple pada hari perkahwinannya dan dia kelihatan sangat ayu dan cantik. Jadi, saya benar-benar pasti meraka itu adalah orang-orang yang saya lihat dalam photoblog. Sudah pasti lah, mereka tidak mengenali saya, tetapi saya rasa seperti hendak pergi kepada mereka dan bercakap sesuatu. Mungkin, "Eh, I saw your wedding photos the other day!". Tapi mungkin mereka akan tersilap faham bahawa saya adalah stalker yang mengikut mereka ke tempat berbulan madu. Jadi, saya hanya terkejut dalam hati sahaja.
Terdapat tiga kesimpulan yang saya dapat buat dari insiden ini;
Pertama: Dunia ini sungguh kecil. Tetapi manusia suka mengagungkan dunia. Rasa seperti ia adalah segala. Lupa bahawa alam akhirat yang sebenar-benarnya luas, menanti di sana.
Kedua: Takdir. Jika sudah ditakdirkan ketemu, jauh atau dekat, lama atau sekejap, pasti akan bertemu juga. Allah yang Maha Kuasa sudah tetapkan segala, manusia yang kerdil tiada kuasa.
Ketiga: Mungkin Port Dickson merupakan tempat yang menarik untuk berbulan madu.
Why, hello there. Yess, Crumbs of Me is apparently still alive. Been visiting my friends' blog and only noticed how long I havent posted anything when I see those blog updates at the sides. It says I havent updated for 5 weeks! Wow, it has been awhile, hasnt it?
So, for an update I shall post something that I have been meaning to do almost a month ago but havent really had the time, I guess. (Am I really that busy??)
During these past few weeks, there has been birthdays of some of the most important people in my life. So this post will be for them. :)
19th January 2010
Eversince we clicked 9 years ago, I just could not stop loving this girl. I mean, look at that smile. How could you not be melted? Muslihah Zainon, you're such a nice person inside and out. You're the best friend anyone could ever have. And although I havent always been there for you, you have always, always, been there for me. I miss you tremendously and can't wait for our next date. I love you, Darling. And I always will. Happy 22nd Birthday, sahabatku dunia akhirat.
15th February 2010
Diana was my first TESL friend way back in Malacca. And one of the earliest questions that she asked me was, "SPM dapat berapa A?" hahahaha funnyla Diana ni. Diana, queueing behind you wasnt a coincidence, we were destined to be friends and I have to say, I'm proud to be your friend. Happy 21st Birthday, Diana. (syokla tu umur kita sama sekarang hehe). Oh, and jangan lupa baca that vampire book we bought you! ;)
21st February 2010
And recently, was my beautiful Mama's birthday. Papa sempat beli kek sebelum anak-anaknya pulang ke sekolah masing2. How sweet. And look at the length of Papa's speech on the cake hehe sangat comel. Mama, I love youuuuuuu. You're the coolest Mama ever. You're such an amazing person, so patient, so tolerant, and just simply a wonderful mother. You're my No. 1 supporter and I know that if it wasnt because of you, there's too much that I would miss in life. Nothing in this world would be enough to make up for all that you've done for our family. I promise, I'd always be your No.1 fan. (okay, maybe No.2 because Papa's No.1). Happy 49th Birthday, Mama yang sangatku cintai.
Moga kalian semua sentiasa dirahmati Allah swt dan berjaya dunia akhirat. Amiin.
I miss waking the Anuaruls up for subuh. I miss cooking and getting everything ready on the table by the time they come back from the masjid. I miss sitting together and read the ta'lim. But most of all,
I have never stopped being amazed by you. You have been a great example to me and our family of someone who always work hard to have the best of both worlds. If I were to list out all the things I admire about you, it would be endless. So as for today, I'm thanking Allah for creating someone so special.
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