Have you ever felt like the time paused on you? Like when you're doing something like walking to class or driving and suddenly something, just something makes you stop thinking about anything else, and at that instant, you realize. You realize that this is your life that you're living. It's actually happening. It's not a dream. You're living it. Right now. Well, have you?
I have. A lot lately. And though it gets kinda freaky sometimes, I let it happen anyway. It's always about the same thing. About me realizing that I'm coming home from work to a husband. That we are now living in our own small cozy house. And of course, of me realizing that I'm carrying a small human being in my womb.
I'm not sure if it's normal, but I'm still grasping the fact that I have this kind, loving and funny person as a husband. Who at work, I miss every second and when at home, would talk non-stop with to share everything that happened that day. I know it has been several months, but still, at moments of this realization, I just sometimes surprise myself. I have a husband. And he's my best friend. I don't know why but realizing this makes me teary alll the time.
And then, there'd be those moments when the kicks are so strong that I'm forced to stop talking and my students would wait for me to complete my sentence, or the hiccups that would make my whole body shake, or even the stretchings that would let me see the elbow or knee moving under my skin. Looking at the mirror week by week has been an enjoying moment too. Amazing, subahanallah. Sometimes we'd laugh together looking at the movements, and recently that they're getting stronger, we'd speak to him/her- that everything's alright, we can't wait to meet you too, and please.. just be healthy. How does one accept all these fascinating things happening? I mean, I believe that all of this is happening, but believing, and realizing is just.. overwhelming.
The blessed Ramadhan has been passing away quickly, and I've really been trying to take the opportunity to be a better person, not just for me, but for my family, and of course the little one. On days that I feel fatigued, he/she'd give that nudge that tells me, "Mommy, I'm okay.. I know that you are too. Be strong!" And I really do try to be. Oh, I could talk on and on about the interactions or the silent speeches I have with this amazing creation, but I guess I'll do that some other time.
I should be off to class now, please pray that everything goes well as alhamdulillah, life has been amazing.. May yours are too. Amin.