Monday, December 23, 2013

Waiting



I realize.. I wait. I wait.. alot. I wait for you to wake up. I wait for you to come home from the surau. I wait for you to come eat breakfast. I wait for you to get ready for work. I wait for you by the door to salam and wave goodbye. I wait for you to come home from work. I wait for you to have lunch, tea and dinner. I wait for you to talk about your day. I wait for you to play with our baby. I wait for you to come home.. I wait for you to come home.. My life.. It's full of waiting. Waiting for you.
And my life.. This life, full of waiting. It's changing me. I don't know how to describe it, but without it, without waiting.. Without waiting for you, my life.. it's empty. Because you.. you, my best friend and soul mate, you.. are me. And without you, without having to wait for you, my life is incomplete.
With that, I promise you.. Wherever you go, I'll wait. I've waited before. And I'll wait again. And again, and again. Even if I spend my whole life waiting.. For you, I will. Why? Because, well.. you, you my dear, are worth waiting for.


Thank you for always coming home with your amazing smile and bring me and your daughter so much joy. May Allah bless you always, amin.
Happy 2nd Anniversary. I love you.






Tuesday, October 1, 2013

One Year Young



You bump your head, immediately your chubby hand rises to rub where it hurts, your eyes searching for mine asking me to read the selawat and blow, and there, all the pain is gone. You smile, you stretch your legs, wanting to be placed on the floor again. And as I'm typing this, you're playing near my feet, knocking a plastic bowl with a hanger, enjoying the sound it makes, and I know.. A few minutes later,  your head will turn back to me, wanting to do what I'm doing, you'll ask to come sit on my lap again. And I'll take you, because I can't ignore you. You, my baby. My baby, who I love dearly. Who grows up too fast, reminding me that the world is moving, time is passing. But you, my girl, my sweet little girl, will always, always, be my baby.

Allah has lent me you for a year now. You are one year old young. I've been telling you this for weeks. That you're turning one. Sometimes you'd respond with a grin, just because you
see I'm grinning. But most of the time you'll just look at me and continue playing. It doesn't mean anything to you yet. But for me, it means the world.

My darling 'Aysha,

Though some people say a year is too short to say that I've learnt much. To me, this past year has been the most learning experience in my entire life. So here, I'm going to share with you what being a mom, an ummi to you, means to me.

It's waking up and going to sleep looking and thinking of you.
It's being able to shower (including shampoo hair!) in 5 minutes.
It's saying byebye to my favourite spicy food, especially sambals and any food they call gassy.
It's going out only when really necessary.
It's replacing my leather handbags with your baby bag.
It's coming home from shopping and realizing that everything I bought is for you.
It's having the ability to spot insects or any weird creatures from very far away.
It's making Google my bestfriend for answering so many questions about you.
It's cooking the best bubur nasik in town. Just tell me what flavour; chicken? anchovies? kurma?
It's expertising in sleeping while sitting.
It's reading Dr Seuss rather than Cecilia Ahern.
It's watching Barney for a whole hour.
It's being able to move and do chores around the house with the most minimum amount of sound.
It's performing solat, or more specifically sujud and at the same time balancing you who decides to hang around my neck, or adjusting myself before sujud as you sujud too or lie flat on the sejadah.
It's trying my best to not smile or break into laughter when you play peekaboo with me when I solat.
It's wanting to capture and record every little thing you do.
It's clapping my hands when I'm happy because that's what I teach you.
It's having my cookies finish sooner than they should.
It's saying only good things because you learn too fast.
It means my life is full.
It means my life is blessed.
It means I would do anything for you..
It means I want the best for you.
It means, well.. I love you.


Happy 1st birthday my sayang, 'Aysha. May Allah always, always bless you and make you the happiest person here, and hereafter. Please grow well. I love you, always have, and always will. That's a promise.


Hugs and kisses,
Ummi.




From day 1 to 1 year old.


Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Eid 2013



It has been ages, hasn't it? Oh, how I've missed writing in here! How was your Ramadhan? Mine was alhamdulillah a blessing, but it passed in such a breeze! It was my first time fasting while nursing and I didn't really know what to expect, but alhamdulillah Allah made it easy for both me and Aysha. Our Eid was so much more fun too that the lil' chubby one is with us. She has grown to be too attached to me and her babah though, and was anxious whenever other people were around, so it was a bit tough at kampung.  Her Opah, wanted to be with her all the time but she kept crying whenever people wanted to take her away from me! I hope this stage passes away fast so that she'd grin instead of cringe at people and just make people happy again.

I guess I enjoyed too much raya food for the few weeks of Eid, that when we finally arrived at our own home, I had a terrible fever! It was so horrible that I could barely stand up because of the headache, and because my throat just couldn't bare any food, my body grew so weak. Of course, I still had Aysha to care about so instead of lying on the bed all day, I had to perform my work as an ummi. Moms don't get MCs, you know.. Alhamdulillah, this one lucky ummi got one amazing husband who was understanding enough to take over 'ummi business' whenever he could. He knew I needed the energy so he tried his best to get whatever I wanted. He made lontong because I felt like having it and he went all the way to town to get me some Dominos. Bless him. Aysha loves her babah, like she would literally flap her wings, I mean arms, whenever she sees him coming back from work. But there are just some things that only moms know.. And some things that only moms can do.. Or at least Aysha wants me to do. So, I just had to be strong for her. Poor husband tried so hard to help on that night when I just felt too weak that I asked if I could go to sleep first and let Aysha play with him first.
"When she's gotten sleepy and she wants milk, just wake me up, okay? I'll be alright by then, insyaAllah."
And I went to sleep with blankets covered all over me and the fan off. Two hours later, at around 1am,  I woke up realizing that both of them were still not in the room, so I went to the back, and found my husband trying so hard, rocking and massaging her to make her fall asleep. And to my surprise, her eyes were already half-closed! Oh, poor husband for trying to do everything he can to make Aysha sleep without having to disturb me. And poor baby who almost dozed off without milk! These two people must love me a lot..

Alhamdulillah, after a week of on and off fever and losing 4kgs, I'm okay now. I think the 4kgs only went away for a short awhile, now they're back with some new friends too. Anywayss, hope everyone had (or is having) a great Eid. Hope it's not too late to ask for forgiveness from anyone that we might have hurt. From the bottom of our hearts, maaf zahir batin.

Aysha is pulling on my feet now, asking me to take her on my lap so that she could see the screen too. But I know, she just wants to play with the mouse! One mouse is already broken because of her. So I'll continue soon. With stories of Aysha who's growing so fast, insyaAllah. See you soon! (I hope..)


Aysha pleading me to take her so that she could see the laptop too.









Saturday, April 13, 2013

March




Actually, I wanted to write about our previous school holidays and how we enjoyed it so much because my husband is a teacher, so we get to have these time-offs which I love. But I ended up writing the post below.. Haha. So, here’s another post. 

My parents came down from Sabah and we spent the whole week travelling from Melaka to Pahang to Kelantan to Penang and Perak. We met my new cute lil’ niece, Syireen Humairah and everyone was just so happy to meet 'Aysha again. All grown up from when they last met her and just so cheerful now to make everyone happy, especially her Opah. So I’m just gonna let the photos do the talking..


Cousin's wedding
Big Bro's crib.
Finally, got our beriyani and tandoori after 4 months. The waiter was shocked to see us again.. with a baby!
Sooo excited to finally get to meet 30-days old niece.

Aysha ajak Opah pekana Line Clear dulu!
Spent the remaining days at inlaw's














Great stay, delicious food, and the people I have missed so much. Couldn't ask for a better holiday. Now just can't wait for June! ;)



*photos edited with Instatext. Gotta admit they look better on the phone though.



Wednesday, March 20, 2013

I do



I never really had a certain specification of whom I ought to marry, in terms of career. But now that I ended up marrying a teacher, again I count my blessings to Allah swt for truly giving me what is best. I love the fact that he goes out early in the morning to share knowledge, I love the fact that he studies and do powerpoint slides at night so that he’d come out prepared, I love the fact that he’d sometimes ask tips from me when he’s dealing with class management issues, I love the fact that he does free tuition classes for his students, I love the fact that he gets lots of holidays, and I love the way he explains to me about what he’ll teach or have taught and I’d wonder if I had him as my Chemistry teacher, maybe I’d do better in school. I just simply love.. him. The teacher in him, the everything in him. 


I know that some people think there is no need to explain or tell the world about how you love your spouse, or anyone for that matter. Don’t write about it, don’t share photos about it, just keep it to yourself. Well, here’s what I think. I think, love should be shared. Love should be spread. Love should be said out loud. Because it’s love. Before I married my husband, I already loved and missed him but I kept it to myself and just prayed and prayed that one day, I wouldn’t have to hide the feelings anymore. I could look at him in the eyes and just say, “I love you.” So now, now that Allah swt has blessed us with this union, that is exactly what I shall do. I will write, share photos and ‘remind’ anyone that’s reading my blog that I really love my husband. Because I can. And because I want to. But above all, because I do. 




Thursday, February 21, 2013

Coolest Grandma


Dear 'Aysha,

She waited anxiously for you when you arrived to the world.
She prepared everything for you when we arrived home.
She'd always kiss you goodbye before going off to school.
She'd steal some time to come home during recess to see if you're okay.
She postponed her transfer to Sabah to accompany Atuk because she wanted to be there for you.
She sleeps on the sofa outside our room every night. Every night. No matter how hard I try to convince her that we're okay.
She wakes up at the slightest sound of your cry.
She would wake up running into our room with swollen eyes. Especially in the middle of the night.
She'd dodoi you with her 'lailaahaillallah.. muhammadurrasulullah..' until you sleep in her embrace.
Sometimes it would take hours. But she'd do it anyway. Knowing that tomorrow morning she'll have to go to school.
She'd stop eating right there and then to pick you up if you were crying.
When milk, diaper and other things seem to not be the reason, she'd be the only one who could make you feel better.
You'd always stop crying when she hugs you.
Sometimes you and her would fall asleep together on the couch. You love her hug that much.
There were times when I had to leave you for awhile, and knowing that you were with her (and only her), I had no worries at all.
When she finally had to leave for Sabah, she tried hard not to cry at the airport. I knew she secretly wanted to pack you up in her suitcase.
She'd call everyday to ask about you. And Tango at least twice per week. She's afraid that you'll forget her and her voice.
She's the no. 1 fan of AirAsia now because of you. Already planning when to come for every month.

Oh 'Aysha, I knew that your Opah would love you. But I didn't know that she'd love you this much! You can't say her name yet. But when you can, I'm going to make sure that you call her up all the time and tell her how much you love her. I don't know what I would do if she wasn't there for me. For two whole months, you became her everything. She could stare at you for hours. Love was all over her face when she did.
So today, on this special day that she was born, I'm writing this here so that you'd know all this and when you grow up, you'd appreciate her and be for her whenever she needs you.

Happy birthday, Mama! You're the best mama anyone could ever have, and now to my daughter, I just know you're going to be the coolest Opah ever.

We love you.




Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Asssalammualaikum readers!

So we got our internet again, and.. I'm back! I wrote some drafts during my absence which I will now click 'publish'. So.. See you soon! :)